Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Feeling Blessed

I don't really have much today, except to say that I am feeling very blessed today.  I started my day off with my 5 mile walk, during which I always have a nice long talk with God, and listen to my Christian music for the rest of the way.  When I got home I finished my workout, and literally every fiber of my being was totally exhausted...but I felt an inner joy that is indescribable.

As I ran around town, running my errands, and getting discouraged about still having to shop in the 'fat' section of stores (in which the selection is in NO WAY comparable to 'normal' sized women's clothing), but even so, I just felt full of inner joy. 

I prayed for God to fill me with His love and His joy until I am overflowing, and that's exactly how I felt today.  I am so grateful for a God who loves me enough to fill me with such love and joy.

"Dear Lord, thank you so much for listening to my prayers, and for answering them as you see fit.  You open my eyes every day and help me gain new understanding.  Thank you for your guidance and your strength each and every day.  Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Yay! Finally Finished Exodus!

It may sound trivial to some of you, but it's a great accoomplishment for me!  I have started reading the Bible many times over the years, and I have never gotten all the way through Exodus.  And I have to say, my goodness! The chapters devoted to the intricate details of the tabernacle, all of its contents, the robes, etc. were especially bruatal, in my humble opinion.  I was barely able to stay awake through one chapter at a time, so I was disappointed, to say the least, to discover that the details were again (although in somewhat of a summary) described in the last chapters of Exodus.

I really enjoyed the beginning of Exodus, telling of Moses-his life, his experiences, his duties to the Lord, and most of all, his special relationship with the Lord.  I am very excited to begin Leviticus!  I know it's slow going for me, but none the less, moving forward.

"Lord, thank you for guiding me each and every day, and for answering my prayers on showing how to better glorify you.  Thank your for all that you have blessed me with, and may you bless all of my friends, family, and loved ones, give them guidance, and keep them healthy, happy, and safe.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

Monday, April 25, 2011

Praying for His Will

Today a friend asked for advice on letting go of envy and wishing for things that she thought were never going to happen.  My response was to pray for God's will, not her own; her question got me to thinking about my own life, though, and it's easier said than done.

For me, being exposed to the luxuries of life that other people have has always made me feel inadequate-LESS than.  I tell myself that I wouldn't want all that extravagance, that it's just not me, even if I had the money, but in reality, yes, I do find myself being envious, and sometimes angry for the direction my life has gone.  I don't know why, but I always feel like I'm not as good as everyone else in social (family) situations, because our income is SOOOO much less than everyone else's-when it seems to be such a big deal to those people.  I always find myself comparing myself to everyone else in the room, and in the family, and always feeling like I come up short somehow. 

Envy is truly a cancer, for me, that can infect every part of my being-if I let it.  I really have to pray for God's will for me, and I have faith that if He wanted me to have all that 'stuff', then I would have it.  But, I have what I have, and I am grateful-even if sometimes I have to remind myself.  I remind myself that what I have is worth more than all the things money can buy: a husband who loves me, and provides for us, who comes home to me every night, and who's face lights up when he walks in the door-after 25 years of marriage.  That in and of itself is priceless, but on top of that I have two great kids who still LIKE me, and are close to me, and who have good morals and values, are polite and respectful and helpful to others.  And most of all, I have my faith, which lifts me up and sustains me through every thought and emotion.

Although I can get caught up momentarily in wanting what other people have, I wouldn't trade my family for all the material things in the's just not worth it.

"Dear Lord, thank you so much for opening my eyes to what's really important in life, and I thank you and I am eternally grateful for the gifts of my family and the love we share and the life we live that you have blessed me with.  Lord, I pray that you will bless all your children with the love that I have in my life, for without love, what do we have?  Thank you, Lord, for your grace, and your unconditional love.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Memory Lane and Counting My Blessings

We just got home from a whirlwind trip to the Florida Keys for my cousin's wedding.  By 'whirlwind', I mean, a 6 hour trip there on Friday, wedding on Friday night, breakfast with the family on Saturday, and a 6 hour trip home.  Whew!  But while watching and listening to the ceremony, I took a trip down memory lane, remembering my wedding day, and the 25 year journey it has been.  I cannot put into words the emotion that arises within me when I think of how much God must love me to have given me the husband that I have.

The only way that our marriage could have survived all that we have been through-and the fact that it almost didn't even happen, the trials and tribulations, the heartbreak and tears over the years-is proof that our marriage is God's will, because many times over the years, it wasn't our will, that's for sure.  But He loved us so much that he held us together through all of that, so that now, after 25 years of marriage, I love him more that I have ever loved him, and I can honestly say that he is the only man I have ever loved.  God has taught me to love through my husband, and I am ever so grateful for God's grace. 

"God, thank you for the gift of love that you have given me, and thank you for blessing me with the ONLY man who could complete me.  I ask you, Lord, to bless the newlyweds and guide them on their journey.  Lord, thank you for being such a loving and gracious God.  I love you and praise you, Lord.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

Thursday, April 21, 2011

One Day at a Time

I can't really explain how I'm feeling today.  Although I've been able to sleep (with the help of a dosage change on one of my meds, and some recommended supplements from the neurologist), I've been overly tired the last few days.  Last night, I had a lot of disturbing dreams, which have stuck with me all day, making me feel kind of gloomy.  Not sure where they came from, but I just hope and pray that they were just craziness, and not an indication of what may come :(

Anyway, even though I had to literally DRAG my butt out of the house to go walk, and I prayed as I always do, I'm just feeling kind of 'blah'.  Not depressed or anything, or cranky; I can't really explain it.  For now, I'm just going to do the necessities and not worry about anything else.  I'll take it one day at a time, and knowing me the way I do, one day soon I will be back on top of the world.  (Ahh, the joys of being bi-polar..)

The great thing is that I don't worry about much at all these days, really.  I know that God has a plan, and that for me to worry is not trusting that God is taking care of things.  I used to worry so much about my family, and everything else, but now, I realize, I don't have to.  All I can do is pray, and give it up to God and know that there is nothing I can do, except to trust in Him.  That takes so much off my shoulders, and allows me to focus on other things (like myself and my immediate family) instead of getting wrapped up in other people's business.  Life is so much more pleasant-for EVERYONE, lol.

"Lord, thank you for taking the worry from me, and for taking care of all the issues that I can't.  Thank you for your love and your grace, and for my salvation.  Lord, thank you for giving me this day, and I pray that you may bless me with tomorrow.  Lord, I love you and I praise you.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Short and Sweet

I'm not feeling so 'peachy' right about now, so I'll make this short and sweet.  It's been a good day; did the important things, like walk, cook, and pray-oh! and worked, lol.  But other than that, I honestly don't know where my day has gone.  I really need to work on trying to walk BEFORE work, so I would have the evening open to take on another shift or do whatever else in the evening.  As it is now, I piddle around in the morning before work, then walk when I get off at 5, and because I walk for a MINIMUM of 1hr 20 min, my day is pretty much shot by the time I get home, with still needing to cook, eat, and shower.  So, yet another thing to work on.

I did talk to my sister tonight, though, and as I was praying today, I honestly wouldn't care if she were located on another planet, as long as she's happy. (Kansas seems about that far, though, lol)  And it sounds like things are going well for her and her family; God is working his miracles in her family every day.  That is the highlight of my day :)

"Dear Lord, thank you for all that you do, not only in my life, but also in the lives of my loved ones.  I know that you have purpose in everything that you create and everything that you do; help me to always remember that YOU are in control, so I don't need to worry.  Thank you for your unconditional love and your grace.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

I'm Back...Again

Oh, why, oh, why am I such a slacker?  I (if you haven't noticed) sometimes have a hard time sticking with things...

But try, try again (and again, and again, and again...).  But, the point is, I keep coming back :)

Anyway, today has me thinking about the changes I have experienced in the last 3 1/2 months.  Yes, of course, I jumped in on New Year's Day with my 5 million (okay, so I'm exaggerating) resolutions head first, full steam ahead.  Until (of course) I crashed.  So now, I am taking things more slowly, and trying NOT to obsess, and to try to stop making my life more difficult than it has to be.

I have decided, after a LOT of thought and back-and-forth arguments with myself in my head (wait...that's not good, is it? lol), to wait (WHAT?? ME?? Wait?!) until the time is more right for us financially to start up  my business.  It will be there in a year or so, too, and if not, then it wasn't right anyway.  And I feel at peace with the decision to wait.  Although everything seemed right, and I kept getting what I thought were whispers from God, something still didn't seem right.  I couldn't put my finger on it, but I was hesitant, so I decided to wait.  And the funny thing is,  I was looking for all the signs, like this, that, or the other thing that couldn't have been coincidence, so I thought God was telling me to go for it;  the kicker was that the real answer from God was coming from within me-deep inside my gut telling me to wait.  Awesome, huh? 

I have to confess that I haven't been going to church, or reading my Bible as I should, but let's start with taking up my nightly habit of reading the Bible before bed, again.

I have kept up with my walking, during which I spend the first part of my walk talking to God, which is amazing, and the rest of the time I listen to my inspirational music.  Walking really helps me be a better person in all sorts of ways, and I really hope I stick with it.  I am more productive, and more pleasant to be around since I pretty much give all my frustrations up to God while I'm walking.  It has been 2 weeks, now, and I have only missed one day; the miracle in that being that after missing a day, I went BACK and did it the next day.  In times past, if I missed a day, it was all this is definitely progress.  I have walked 59 miles in the last 15 days, and lost 9 pounds.  I am hoping to lose another 20 pounds at least, and walk another 191 miles before our 47 days lol.  We'll see.

Well, I've rambled long enough.  Thanks for sticking with me, and y'all come back, now!  (Sorry, I couldn't resist lol)

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much for all the people, places, and things you have put in my life.  Thank you for all you have done and are doing in my life; you are truly a merciful, loving, and forgiving God.  Lord, forgive me for my sins, and I ask for your blessing today, not only for myself, but for all my friends, family, and loved ones; May your will be done.  In Jesus' name, Amen."