Monday, January 31, 2011

"Let Go, and Let God"...Easier said than done...

Although my perspective has changed so much this past month, I am still me, and I still struggle with certain situations.  I am seriously praying for guidance (as I write this, I think I just got my answer) on how to handle a situation, or should I simply not handle it at all.  I am really trying to follow what God would want me to do in every aspect of my life, and this particular situation is particularly difficult for me.

I have decided to let God handle the situation, because there's really nothing I can do, or any human can do, for that matter.  Some find me to be insensitive and cold hearted and unforgiving when it comes to this situation, but that is so not the case.  I do care, and I do pray, every day for God to take hold of the situation, and I have faith that His will will be done.  But that's all I can do.

Honestly, I really need to do some praying about the feelings I am having after a conversation with a family member I just had.  I am feeling very angry and hurt, even though I know that was not the intention.  All of a sudden, a lot of old feelings are arising, and I don't like it one bit.  It is really hard sometimes to set my own feelings aside, and think, "What would Jesus do?"  Did Jesus' feelings get hurt, do you think?

I know God will comfort me, and I'll get over it, but MAN! It really gets old shedding tears over the same things, over and over and over and over...etc., etc.....

"God, I ask you to please give me guidance, and help me to set aside my own thoughts and feelings, and to do your will.  God, please take control of this situation as I surrender it to you, and please, Lord, watch over those involved, and guide them, help them to make good choices, and please, PLEASE, Lord, keep them safe.  I love you and I praise you, Lord, Amen."

Saturday, January 29, 2011

God's Gifts

God blesses us with so many gifts; the gifts right in front of us often go unnoticed and/or taken for granted.  I had to good fortune to spend the weekend with a dear friend from back home.  Besides doing a year's worth of catching up in two days, we spent most of the weekend walking on the beach hunting for sharks' teeth.  But besides the pure joy I get from finding them, as well as other cool shells and fossils, I took the time to appreciate the beauty of the ocean, and the miracle of all that God has put on this earth.  I am amazed at the intricate design of the shells, and the beauty of the flowers, and how carefully He created each living thing.  And the gift God gave mankind in having the ability to appreciate the beauty of nature-sights, sounds, and smells.  I could sit on the beach for the rest of my days, just hunting for sharks' teeth, watching the sunset and sunrise, watching the dolphins playing, observing the habits of various kinds of birds, and being mesmerized by the sound of the waves.  I don't think I would ever get tired of just sitting there, marvelling at it all.

Not only has God blessed us with the gift of nature, but He has also blessed us with the people He has put in our lives.  I am so grateful that God has given me some of the best friends a person could ask for-people who know me, understand me, and love me anyway.  He is such a loving God, He is an awesome God!

"Dear Lord, thank you for the gifts that you give to us, your children, and for loving us so much that you have given us the ability to love, and appreciate, and enjoy all that you have put on earth.  And thank you, Lord,  for the people you place in our lives; people we can laugh with, and cry with, and simply enjoy the gift of life together.  I love you and I praise you, Lord, and I am in awe of all that you are, and all that you do.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Good News!

Some of you know that my dad has had some pretty serious health issues lately, the most recent being a quadruple bypass surgery a few months ago.  He has recovered remarkably, by the grace of God.  He met with a specialist today, expecting to have to schedule another major surgery, but his condition was better than expected, and they don't want to see him again for 6 months!  What great news!

My relationship with my dad has been pretty rocky over the years, but today, our relationship is better than it has been for as long as I can remember.  He has been so blessed in the gift of my step-mom; she has brought out a side of him that I have never seen before.  I only wish he wouldn't met her sooner!  God definitely knew what he was doing when he put them together.

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for always knowing what we need, when we need it, and for providing for us as you see fit.  Thank you for loving us so much that you see the good in us, when we can't see it in ourselves, and thank you, Lord, for forgiving us for our sins.  Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."

I'm so Grateful!

I am just feeling so grateful for EVERYTHING!  God is so good, and he has blessed me more than I ever thought I deserved. 

I am so blessed to have the gift of my husband, and the awesome children we have.  I think a lot more about the 'haves' than the 'have nots' lately.  I haven't been feeling sorry for myself in not being able to find a job, or dwelling on all the things that used to really get me down.  Those things just don't seem to bother me now; I am just feeling so grateful to have a husband and children who love me.  I may get frustrated with my (extended) family, but only briefly, because I realize that I am blessed by having family at all, and they are healthy, and we all love each other. 

Also, I am grateful for the experiences, both good and bad, that I have had in my life, because without them, I wouldn't be who I am today.  It is hard, though, because right now, I am watching my son endure his first heartbreak, which dredges up horrible feelings of guilt for me, because it's like watching him feel the same pain that I have inflicted on his dad in the past.  I know the Lord has forgiven me, but I still have a hard time letting go of my guilt.  I am just praying for God to take ahold of my son's heart and comfort him.

"Lord, thank you for all of my blessings.  Please Lord, watch over my friends and family, and especially Adam, and keep them all healthy, happy, and safe.  Lord, I pray for you to lead me and guide me, and that you will work through me to do your will.  I love you, and I praise you.  Amen."

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

My Greatest Gifts

Ever since I re-dedicated my life to God, I have found that my senses are heightened like nothing I've ever experienced.  I am so emotional...I cry at the drop of a hat lol.  (Okay, so I have always been a little sappy, but this is sappy on Miracle Grow lol)  I am kind of feeling like I did when I got sober, when I was finally able to feel, only this is way better. I was already feeling, but now I have a much greater awareness of the importance of EVERYTHING.

I have been thinking about my kids a lot lately.  It's like their entire lives are on autoplay in my head whenever I think of them.  When my son walks in and says, "Hey, Momma..", I don't just see a tall, lanky 17 year old young man, I see the toe-headed 4 year old who was afraid of waves, and the baseball/basketball/football/tennis player throughout the years, and hearing the "whoosh, whoosh, whoosh" of a two year old wearing Tigger footie jammies coming down the hall.  And when I'm talking to my 21 year old daughter about her moving into her and her boyfriends' new home, I envision the buck-toothed 6 year old with an arm full of kittens, and the softball player throughout the years, and the drum major leading the band. It's like every memory I have of the two of them comes rushing at me everything I talk to them or think of them.

I have just been spending a lot of time thanking God for the gift of my children that He has given to me.  I realized a few years back that in them, God has given me what I had been searching for my entire life: someone to love me unconditionally for the rest of my life.  I looked in all the wrong places, (thought just popped into my head) and ultimately, what I had been searching for was within myself all along.  WOW!  That's AMAZING!!  I totally just got that! lol....sooo...okay! Exciting stuff!  (For anyone reading that does NOT know me...yes, yes I am a dork! lol)

I am so blessed to have been given the kids that I have, that they are good kids, and most amazing to me, is that they still like me.  That totally just blows my mind. It never ceases to amaze me to pick out mine or my husband's traits in's just such a miracle.  Aghhhh!!! Here come the waterworks!  lol.  I just love them more than I thought it was possible to love, and I thank God for that wonderful gift!

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for all that you have blessed me with.  I especially thank you for blessing me with such a wonderful husband, and two great children. Please, Lord, watch over them and keep them healthy, happy, and safe. Amen."

Monday, January 24, 2011


I sent a text message to my sister this evening after church, which said, simply, "I just thought I'd let you know I got saved tonight. :) "  She called me back, and in total confusion, said, "WHAT??!"

You see, she and I have gotten really close this month, since I recommitted my life to God.  It's really nice to have someone who is such a devout follower of Christ to lead me, and help me to understand; we have had LOTS of spiritual conversations over the last 3 weeks.  What we never really discussed, though, is whether or not I was saved...she just assumed that I had been.

And she was partially right.  Over the pasts 30+ years, I have attended church on and off, and at a variety of denominations: Christian, Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, Free Methodist, Catholic, Pentacostal, and non-denominational.  At most, if not all of these churches, I have gotten to the point when they ask if you want to give your life to God, I have pretty much said, "OK! Sure! Where do I sign up?"  But I never REALLY knew what the full meaning was, and I never, until tonight, understood why Jesus had to give his life so that I could be saved.

Although I have felt led to come forward every time I go to church, I didn't want to make the same mistake as in the past.  Because I didn't fully know the meaning of "getting saved", I wasn't really sure that I was, so I wanted to wait until I was ready to go "all in" before I jumped. I didn't want to accept Jesus as my saviour until I knew all about everything, and I haven't gotten that far yet, was the way I was looking at it lol. But tonight, when Pastor said, "If there is anyone who wants to give their life to God, and to understand what it means to be saved," that was my cue!  I couldn't have stayed in my seat if I had wanted to!  The Holy Spirit grabbed ahold of me, and I felt him run through me, and I just knew it was time. 

I felt led, during the service tonight, to start this blog; I sincerely hope that I can live up to what He has called me to do.

"Lord, please speak to me, and guide me, so that I may glorify you in all that I do.  In the name of your son, Jesus Christ, Amen."