Trouble Sleeping

Oh, I just hate when I can't sleep well.  The last several nights, actually, I haven't slept well, but today I woke up at 6am (NOT normal for me!) and couldn't get back to sleep.  Kind of a bummer, since I NEVER make it to bed before midnight.  Maybe I will get back into the mode I was in back in August and September after my incident, when I ran on 3 or 4 hours of sleep and was happy as a lark and productive as a honey bee..that would be AWESOME! lol.

I don't know if this business deal has anything to do with my inability to sleep or not...it has been such an emotional roller coaster (this happens to me a lot?) for me.  Last night I was doing some more research, and as much as I tried to uncover any negative information or scam alerts, I just couldn't.  I'm going to contact an attorney and some other owners this week and continue doing Internet research, though, and just make sure I get all of my bases covered before I invest.  I'm hoping and praying that God will give me guidance, and that His will will be done on this.  I have faith that He will make it clear to me what I am to do about this whole thing in His time.

Also, I am praying for my cousin and his wife, as they are expecting their first baby to be born tomorrow.  Please include them in your prayers, and pray that God will give them a beautiful, healthy baby girl, and that Mama will have a relatively easy time of it.

"Dear Lord, please guide me today, and reveal your plan for me today.  Help me to put you above all else, and to live according to your will.  Thank you, Lord, for all the people you have put in my life, and thank you for the love we share and the life we live.  Lord, please watch over Troy, Linnea, and baby Raelynn, as well as all the rest of my family, friends, and loved ones; you know their needs today, and I ask that you keep them all healthy, happy, and safe.  Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."

God's Calling...

So...I thought I'd skip reading my Bible tonight, because it was late, and I've had a really rough day at work, and I was just wiped out.  But, I found myself half asleep thinking about Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt, lol, and I couldn't get the thought out of my head.  I knew God was calling when I felt I had no choice but to drag my butt out of bed to come down and spend some time with the Lord, post on here, and do some reading.

I received some more information about my business prospect today which renews my hope about the thing, so I just have to pray, pray, pray about it.  I would appreciate any additonal prayers, too...please and thank you, as my daughter would say lol.  I know I really hope it is what I want it to be, but I do know now that I will take it slow, and thoroughly research, and verify, and have an attorney look over it, and everything before I move ahead with anything.  My first instinct was to jump in head first, but God helped me to put on the breaks so I could think sensibly and logically and make an informed decision. 

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for doing for me what I have been unable to do for myself.  And thank your for knowing what's best for me, and for guiding me in the right direction.  I know you have always been there for me, but I am so grateful that I am finally listening to you, acknowledging you, and following you.  I thank you for the gift of your only Son, that he paid for my sins so that I don't have to..I am truely unworthy, and overcome with gratitude for your love and your grace.  Lord, I love you and I praise you.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

Disappointed

I was so excited about a prospective business venture, and after viewing a presentation, I was convinced that it was a good thing.  But, as I began reading the business prospectus, I started to have doubts as to the validity and integrity of the venture.  My research so far hasn't turned up anything negative, but I have do have some doubts.  Perhaps that doubt will ensure I do my due diligence completely, to satisfy any doubts I may have, I don't know.  But I do know that if I were to go ahead with the business, I think it would be the perfect fit for me; I do have a lot of research to do, though, and for the first time, I think, I won't jump in head first, without knowing all the facts.  So, I will continue to pray about it, and I won't move ahead with anything unless I have no doubts whatsoever.  I have faith that if I trust Him, God will lead me in the right direction.

I am also disappointed in my inability, so far, to be able to give up my TV.  It sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud, but I guess I never realized just how much I enjoy watching it.  I know my life is actually better without it, but I just have to keep praying for God to help me let it go.  My favorite thing to do in the evening is to sit and watch one of my favorite shows while I eat ice cream.  I look forward to it like I used to look forward to a drink (okay, well, maybe more than just one drink...) (or whatever) when I got home and knew I didn't have to go anywhere for the rest of the night.  I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time letting it go...it's transference...man, if that's not a bummer...

"Lord, please help me to let go of the things in my life that don't glorify you.  Help me, Lord, to have faith that you will provide me with greater feelings of satisfaction if I surrender to you and keep my focus on you and your will.  Lord, please guide me in my research of this business venture, and let me know what I should do.  Help me, Lord, to be patient, and not move forward until you have assured me that it is right, and help me to put aside what I WANT in order to do the right thing for our family.  Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."

I Just Love How He Works!

First, just let me say that I LOVE MY JOB!  Most days, I leave my shift in a better mood than I started in.  God knew what He was doing when He gave this job to me, for sure.

But anyway...I just had to throw that in, lol.  While I was praying last night, I told God what I thought I needed to do about a certain situation, but I was promptly reminded that I need to do the RIGHT thing, even if that's not what I WANT to do, and that God will take care of the rest.  Once again, I was reminded that it's not about ME...

I tried to dismiss that notion, but this morning, I was smacked in the face with it again, and after struggling with it all day and praying, I did what I knew what God wanted me to do, and it turned out to be a VERY good thing.  And in doing so, God let me know what good came from following his plan.  God knows what He is doing, and I can try to look the other way and ignore His wishes for me all I want, but He WILL win...EVERY time.  Man! He's AWESOME!

"Dear Lord, thank you for giving me the strength to do the right thing, and thank you for taking myself out of me to do your will.  Help me, Lord, to always remember that you are in control of all things, and help me to surrender to you every day.  I am so thankful for your love and grace, Lord, and I thank you for loving us so much-even when we deny you-that you never give up on us.  Lord, forgive me for my sins today; I love you and I praise you.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

Feeling Out of Sorts

Obviously every day isn't 'peachy', for any of us.  And although I am learning to focus on the positive, and dismiss the negative, it doesn't mean I don't still feel weighted down sometimes. Today has been one such day.  An issue from yesterday affected me more than I knew, apparently, because it followed me into my dreams, and greatly impacted my thoughts, actions, and motives today.

I am trying so hard not to pass judgement on others, and am trying to be a loving, kind person, but today, I have absolutely not been feeling it.  I am angry and disappointed at myself for being weak in several areas today.  I feel like I have let God down, but I am thankful that He is a kind and loving God, and that I will be forgiven if I ask sincerely for forgiveness. 

I need to pray for guidance, strength, and wisdom, and perhaps there are certain people, places, and things that I should simply avoid.  But I am torn about what His will is about one certain situation, and I don't know what to do; I really just don't.  The best I can do is to pray for His will, because I honestly don't even know what else to pray for.  I just have to hand it over, and perhaps I just need to let God handle it, and stay away, because I obvioiusly can NOT handle it.  Please pray for me.

"Dear Lord, please forgive me for my thoughts and actions today that weren't pleasing to you.  Heavenly Father, I desperately need your guidance and your strength, because, Lord, I obviously can't handle this situation myself, and when I try, it ends up disatrously to me.  Lord, sometimes I wish I didn't feel so much, but I know that you made me this way, and that you had apurpose in that.  So, Lord, I just thank you for your grace, and I have faith that everything happens according to your plan.  Help me to remember that you are in control, Lord, and that it's your show, not mine.  I love you and I praise you, Lord.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

Praying for Guidance

It's not easy for me to tell other people about Jesus, and God's grace.  My sister said that's what I'm doing with this blog, and that's true...that was the whole purpose of the blog.  But that's different; telling people and writing are two different things to me.  People that know me find it hard to believe that I'm not comfortable talking to people I don't know.  I'm very self-conscious and unsure of myself, which doesn't always show to other people.  Writing, however, provides me with an outlet, a way for me to fully express myself.  I have always preferred to write rather than talk; I can write things that I could never say out loud.

So, it's very hard for me to witness to others, and share what God's grace has done in my life.  But when I talk to people, especially people I love, and I hear them express anger at God and rebellion toward Him, how can I NOT speak?  It breaks my heart that God is so loving and so giving, and yet some view Him as cruel and hateful.  These are the people that need him more than anyone, and I don't know how to break through to them.  The only thing I know to do is to pray, and pray some more, then pray some more.

"God, I ask for your guidance in spreading your word, and I ask you to please give me the words to say.  Lord, please use me to do your will, and work through me; fill me with your love to overflowing so that it can spill out onto everyone who 'bumps my cup'.  Help me, Lord, to plant a seed in the minds of unbelievers, that will grow over time, and mature into a good, God loving Christian.  Lord, I love you and I praise you.  In Jesus' name, Amen."