I don't really have much today, except to say that I am feeling very blessed today. I started my day off with my 5 mile walk, during which I always have a nice long talk with God, and listen to my Christian music for the rest of the way. When I got home I finished my workout, and literally every fiber of my being was totally exhausted...but I felt an inner joy that is indescribable.
As I ran around town, running my errands, and getting discouraged about still having to shop in the 'fat' section of stores (in which the selection is in NO WAY comparable to 'normal' sized women's clothing), but even so, I just felt full of inner joy.
I prayed for God to fill me with His love and His joy until I am overflowing, and that's exactly how I felt today. I am so grateful for a God who loves me enough to fill me with such love and joy.
"Dear Lord, thank you so much for listening to my prayers, and for answering them as you see fit. You open my eyes every day and help me gain new understanding. Thank you for your guidance and your strength each and every day. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Yay! Finally Finished Exodus!
It may sound trivial to some of you, but it's a great accoomplishment for me! I have started reading the Bible many times over the years, and I have never gotten all the way through Exodus. And I have to say, my goodness! The chapters devoted to the intricate details of the tabernacle, all of its contents, the robes, etc. were especially bruatal, in my humble opinion. I was barely able to stay awake through one chapter at a time, so I was disappointed, to say the least, to discover that the details were again (although in somewhat of a summary) described in the last chapters of Exodus.
I really enjoyed the beginning of Exodus, telling of Moses-his life, his experiences, his duties to the Lord, and most of all, his special relationship with the Lord. I am very excited to begin Leviticus! I know it's slow going for me, but none the less, moving forward.
"Lord, thank you for guiding me each and every day, and for answering my prayers on showing how to better glorify you. Thank your for all that you have blessed me with, and may you bless all of my friends, family, and loved ones, give them guidance, and keep them healthy, happy, and safe. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I really enjoyed the beginning of Exodus, telling of Moses-his life, his experiences, his duties to the Lord, and most of all, his special relationship with the Lord. I am very excited to begin Leviticus! I know it's slow going for me, but none the less, moving forward.
"Lord, thank you for guiding me each and every day, and for answering my prayers on showing how to better glorify you. Thank your for all that you have blessed me with, and may you bless all of my friends, family, and loved ones, give them guidance, and keep them healthy, happy, and safe. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Monday, April 25, 2011
Praying for His Will
Today a friend asked for advice on letting go of envy and wishing for things that she thought were never going to happen. My response was to pray for God's will, not her own; her question got me to thinking about my own life, though, and it's easier said than done.
For me, being exposed to the luxuries of life that other people have has always made me feel inadequate-LESS than. I tell myself that I wouldn't want all that extravagance, that it's just not me, even if I had the money, but in reality, yes, I do find myself being envious, and sometimes angry for the direction my life has gone. I don't know why, but I always feel like I'm not as good as everyone else in social (family) situations, because our income is SOOOO much less than everyone else's-when it seems to be such a big deal to those people. I always find myself comparing myself to everyone else in the room, and in the family, and always feeling like I come up short somehow.
Envy is truly a cancer, for me, that can infect every part of my being-if I let it. I really have to pray for God's will for me, and I have faith that if He wanted me to have all that 'stuff', then I would have it. But, I have what I have, and I am grateful-even if sometimes I have to remind myself. I remind myself that what I have is worth more than all the things money can buy: a husband who loves me, and provides for us, who comes home to me every night, and who's face lights up when he walks in the door-after 25 years of marriage. That in and of itself is priceless, but on top of that I have two great kids who still LIKE me, and are close to me, and who have good morals and values, are polite and respectful and helpful to others. And most of all, I have my faith, which lifts me up and sustains me through every thought and emotion.
Although I can get caught up momentarily in wanting what other people have, I wouldn't trade my family for all the material things in the world...it's just not worth it.
"Dear Lord, thank you so much for opening my eyes to what's really important in life, and I thank you and I am eternally grateful for the gifts of my family and the love we share and the life we live that you have blessed me with. Lord, I pray that you will bless all your children with the love that I have in my life, for without love, what do we have? Thank you, Lord, for your grace, and your unconditional love. In Jesus' name, Amen."
For me, being exposed to the luxuries of life that other people have has always made me feel inadequate-LESS than. I tell myself that I wouldn't want all that extravagance, that it's just not me, even if I had the money, but in reality, yes, I do find myself being envious, and sometimes angry for the direction my life has gone. I don't know why, but I always feel like I'm not as good as everyone else in social (family) situations, because our income is SOOOO much less than everyone else's-when it seems to be such a big deal to those people. I always find myself comparing myself to everyone else in the room, and in the family, and always feeling like I come up short somehow.
Envy is truly a cancer, for me, that can infect every part of my being-if I let it. I really have to pray for God's will for me, and I have faith that if He wanted me to have all that 'stuff', then I would have it. But, I have what I have, and I am grateful-even if sometimes I have to remind myself. I remind myself that what I have is worth more than all the things money can buy: a husband who loves me, and provides for us, who comes home to me every night, and who's face lights up when he walks in the door-after 25 years of marriage. That in and of itself is priceless, but on top of that I have two great kids who still LIKE me, and are close to me, and who have good morals and values, are polite and respectful and helpful to others. And most of all, I have my faith, which lifts me up and sustains me through every thought and emotion.
Although I can get caught up momentarily in wanting what other people have, I wouldn't trade my family for all the material things in the world...it's just not worth it.
"Dear Lord, thank you so much for opening my eyes to what's really important in life, and I thank you and I am eternally grateful for the gifts of my family and the love we share and the life we live that you have blessed me with. Lord, I pray that you will bless all your children with the love that I have in my life, for without love, what do we have? Thank you, Lord, for your grace, and your unconditional love. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Memory Lane and Counting My Blessings
We just got home from a whirlwind trip to the Florida Keys for my cousin's wedding. By 'whirlwind', I mean, a 6 hour trip there on Friday, wedding on Friday night, breakfast with the family on Saturday, and a 6 hour trip home. Whew! But while watching and listening to the ceremony, I took a trip down memory lane, remembering my wedding day, and the 25 year journey it has been. I cannot put into words the emotion that arises within me when I think of how much God must love me to have given me the husband that I have.
The only way that our marriage could have survived all that we have been through-and the fact that it almost didn't even happen, the trials and tribulations, the heartbreak and tears over the years-is proof that our marriage is God's will, because many times over the years, it wasn't our will, that's for sure. But He loved us so much that he held us together through all of that, so that now, after 25 years of marriage, I love him more that I have ever loved him, and I can honestly say that he is the only man I have ever loved. God has taught me to love through my husband, and I am ever so grateful for God's grace.
"God, thank you for the gift of love that you have given me, and thank you for blessing me with the ONLY man who could complete me. I ask you, Lord, to bless the newlyweds and guide them on their journey. Lord, thank you for being such a loving and gracious God. I love you and praise you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
The only way that our marriage could have survived all that we have been through-and the fact that it almost didn't even happen, the trials and tribulations, the heartbreak and tears over the years-is proof that our marriage is God's will, because many times over the years, it wasn't our will, that's for sure. But He loved us so much that he held us together through all of that, so that now, after 25 years of marriage, I love him more that I have ever loved him, and I can honestly say that he is the only man I have ever loved. God has taught me to love through my husband, and I am ever so grateful for God's grace.
"God, thank you for the gift of love that you have given me, and thank you for blessing me with the ONLY man who could complete me. I ask you, Lord, to bless the newlyweds and guide them on their journey. Lord, thank you for being such a loving and gracious God. I love you and praise you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Thursday, April 21, 2011
One Day at a Time
I can't really explain how I'm feeling today. Although I've been able to sleep (with the help of a dosage change on one of my meds, and some recommended supplements from the neurologist), I've been overly tired the last few days. Last night, I had a lot of disturbing dreams, which have stuck with me all day, making me feel kind of gloomy. Not sure where they came from, but I just hope and pray that they were just craziness, and not an indication of what may come :(
Anyway, even though I had to literally DRAG my butt out of the house to go walk, and I prayed as I always do, I'm just feeling kind of 'blah'. Not depressed or anything, or cranky; I can't really explain it. For now, I'm just going to do the necessities and not worry about anything else. I'll take it one day at a time, and knowing me the way I do, one day soon I will be back on top of the world. (Ahh, the joys of being bi-polar..)
The great thing is that I don't worry about much at all these days, really. I know that God has a plan, and that for me to worry is not trusting that God is taking care of things. I used to worry so much about my family, and everything else, but now, I realize, I don't have to. All I can do is pray, and give it up to God and know that there is nothing I can do, except to trust in Him. That takes so much off my shoulders, and allows me to focus on other things (like myself and my immediate family) instead of getting wrapped up in other people's business. Life is so much more pleasant-for EVERYONE, lol.
"Lord, thank you for taking the worry from me, and for taking care of all the issues that I can't. Thank you for your love and your grace, and for my salvation. Lord, thank you for giving me this day, and I pray that you may bless me with tomorrow. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Anyway, even though I had to literally DRAG my butt out of the house to go walk, and I prayed as I always do, I'm just feeling kind of 'blah'. Not depressed or anything, or cranky; I can't really explain it. For now, I'm just going to do the necessities and not worry about anything else. I'll take it one day at a time, and knowing me the way I do, one day soon I will be back on top of the world. (Ahh, the joys of being bi-polar..)
The great thing is that I don't worry about much at all these days, really. I know that God has a plan, and that for me to worry is not trusting that God is taking care of things. I used to worry so much about my family, and everything else, but now, I realize, I don't have to. All I can do is pray, and give it up to God and know that there is nothing I can do, except to trust in Him. That takes so much off my shoulders, and allows me to focus on other things (like myself and my immediate family) instead of getting wrapped up in other people's business. Life is so much more pleasant-for EVERYONE, lol.
"Lord, thank you for taking the worry from me, and for taking care of all the issues that I can't. Thank you for your love and your grace, and for my salvation. Lord, thank you for giving me this day, and I pray that you may bless me with tomorrow. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Short and Sweet
I'm not feeling so 'peachy' right about now, so I'll make this short and sweet. It's been a good day; did the important things, like walk, cook, and pray-oh! and worked, lol. But other than that, I honestly don't know where my day has gone. I really need to work on trying to walk BEFORE work, so I would have the evening open to take on another shift or do whatever else in the evening. As it is now, I piddle around in the morning before work, then walk when I get off at 5, and because I walk for a MINIMUM of 1hr 20 min, my day is pretty much shot by the time I get home, with still needing to cook, eat, and shower. So, yet another thing to work on.
I did talk to my sister tonight, though, and as I was praying today, I honestly wouldn't care if she were located on another planet, as long as she's happy. (Kansas seems about that far, though, lol) And it sounds like things are going well for her and her family; God is working his miracles in her family every day. That is the highlight of my day :)
"Dear Lord, thank you for all that you do, not only in my life, but also in the lives of my loved ones. I know that you have purpose in everything that you create and everything that you do; help me to always remember that YOU are in control, so I don't need to worry. Thank you for your unconditional love and your grace. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I did talk to my sister tonight, though, and as I was praying today, I honestly wouldn't care if she were located on another planet, as long as she's happy. (Kansas seems about that far, though, lol) And it sounds like things are going well for her and her family; God is working his miracles in her family every day. That is the highlight of my day :)
"Dear Lord, thank you for all that you do, not only in my life, but also in the lives of my loved ones. I know that you have purpose in everything that you create and everything that you do; help me to always remember that YOU are in control, so I don't need to worry. Thank you for your unconditional love and your grace. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I'm Back...Again
Oh, why, oh, why am I such a slacker? I (if you haven't noticed) sometimes have a hard time sticking with things...
But try, try again (and again, and again, and again...). But, the point is, I keep coming back :)
Anyway, today has me thinking about the changes I have experienced in the last 3 1/2 months. Yes, of course, I jumped in on New Year's Day with my 5 million (okay, so I'm exaggerating) resolutions head first, full steam ahead. Until (of course) I crashed. So now, I am taking things more slowly, and trying NOT to obsess, and to try to stop making my life more difficult than it has to be.
I have decided, after a LOT of thought and back-and-forth arguments with myself in my head (wait...that's not good, is it? lol), to wait (WHAT?? ME?? Wait?!) until the time is more right for us financially to start up my business. It will be there in a year or so, too, and if not, then it wasn't right anyway. And I feel at peace with the decision to wait. Although everything seemed right, and I kept getting what I thought were whispers from God, something still didn't seem right. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I was hesitant, so I decided to wait. And the funny thing is, I was looking for all the signs, like this, that, or the other thing that couldn't have been coincidence, so I thought God was telling me to go for it; the kicker was that the real answer from God was coming from within me-deep inside my gut telling me to wait. Awesome, huh?
I have to confess that I haven't been going to church, or reading my Bible as I should, but let's start with taking up my nightly habit of reading the Bible before bed, again.
I have kept up with my walking, during which I spend the first part of my walk talking to God, which is amazing, and the rest of the time I listen to my inspirational music. Walking really helps me be a better person in all sorts of ways, and I really hope I stick with it. I am more productive, and more pleasant to be around since I pretty much give all my frustrations up to God while I'm walking. It has been 2 weeks, now, and I have only missed one day; the miracle in that being that after missing a day, I went BACK and did it the next day. In times past, if I missed a day, it was all over...so this is definitely progress. I have walked 59 miles in the last 15 days, and lost 9 pounds. I am hoping to lose another 20 pounds at least, and walk another 191 miles before our cruise...in 47 days lol. We'll see.
Well, I've rambled long enough. Thanks for sticking with me, and y'all come back, now! (Sorry, I couldn't resist lol)
"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much for all the people, places, and things you have put in my life. Thank you for all you have done and are doing in my life; you are truly a merciful, loving, and forgiving God. Lord, forgive me for my sins, and I ask for your blessing today, not only for myself, but for all my friends, family, and loved ones; May your will be done. In Jesus' name, Amen."
But try, try again (and again, and again, and again...). But, the point is, I keep coming back :)
Anyway, today has me thinking about the changes I have experienced in the last 3 1/2 months. Yes, of course, I jumped in on New Year's Day with my 5 million (okay, so I'm exaggerating) resolutions head first, full steam ahead. Until (of course) I crashed. So now, I am taking things more slowly, and trying NOT to obsess, and to try to stop making my life more difficult than it has to be.
I have decided, after a LOT of thought and back-and-forth arguments with myself in my head (wait...that's not good, is it? lol), to wait (WHAT?? ME?? Wait?!) until the time is more right for us financially to start up my business. It will be there in a year or so, too, and if not, then it wasn't right anyway. And I feel at peace with the decision to wait. Although everything seemed right, and I kept getting what I thought were whispers from God, something still didn't seem right. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I was hesitant, so I decided to wait. And the funny thing is, I was looking for all the signs, like this, that, or the other thing that couldn't have been coincidence, so I thought God was telling me to go for it; the kicker was that the real answer from God was coming from within me-deep inside my gut telling me to wait. Awesome, huh?
I have to confess that I haven't been going to church, or reading my Bible as I should, but let's start with taking up my nightly habit of reading the Bible before bed, again.
I have kept up with my walking, during which I spend the first part of my walk talking to God, which is amazing, and the rest of the time I listen to my inspirational music. Walking really helps me be a better person in all sorts of ways, and I really hope I stick with it. I am more productive, and more pleasant to be around since I pretty much give all my frustrations up to God while I'm walking. It has been 2 weeks, now, and I have only missed one day; the miracle in that being that after missing a day, I went BACK and did it the next day. In times past, if I missed a day, it was all over...so this is definitely progress. I have walked 59 miles in the last 15 days, and lost 9 pounds. I am hoping to lose another 20 pounds at least, and walk another 191 miles before our cruise...in 47 days lol. We'll see.
Well, I've rambled long enough. Thanks for sticking with me, and y'all come back, now! (Sorry, I couldn't resist lol)
"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much for all the people, places, and things you have put in my life. Thank you for all you have done and are doing in my life; you are truly a merciful, loving, and forgiving God. Lord, forgive me for my sins, and I ask for your blessing today, not only for myself, but for all my friends, family, and loved ones; May your will be done. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Rough Night
Last night was a rough one; I don't think I slept more than 20 minutes at a time all night. And when I did sleep I had unsettling dreams of times past that put me out of sorts when I got up this morning. The good news is, I had an appointment with the neurologist (follow up for headaches), and although my headaches have subsided considerably, we did discuss my difficulties in sleeping. He decided to bump up the med he had given me for the headaches in hopes that it would help me to sleep, without side affects.
So, I'm going to NOT spend all night listening to all sorts of relaxation sounds and supposed sleep-promoting hypnotic audio, and just try to drift off into LaLa Land. Wish me luck, and prayers are always welcome :).
The rest of my day went well and productive, and a good walk, precious time with the Lord, and a healthy dinner concluded my day. I am ready to hit the hay, and hopefully get some much needed quality sleep.
"Dear Lord, please bless all of my friends, family, and loved ones, and keep them all healthy, happy, and safe. Lord, I pray that any and all who have not accepted Jesus into their hearts as their personal Lord and Saviour, will invite Him into their hearts. Please bless us all, and help us to glorify you in all we do, and help us to be the best that we can be. Lord, I love you, praise you, and thank you for all that you are and for all that you do. In Jesus' name, Amen."
So, I'm going to NOT spend all night listening to all sorts of relaxation sounds and supposed sleep-promoting hypnotic audio, and just try to drift off into LaLa Land. Wish me luck, and prayers are always welcome :).
The rest of my day went well and productive, and a good walk, precious time with the Lord, and a healthy dinner concluded my day. I am ready to hit the hay, and hopefully get some much needed quality sleep.
"Dear Lord, please bless all of my friends, family, and loved ones, and keep them all healthy, happy, and safe. Lord, I pray that any and all who have not accepted Jesus into their hearts as their personal Lord and Saviour, will invite Him into their hearts. Please bless us all, and help us to glorify you in all we do, and help us to be the best that we can be. Lord, I love you, praise you, and thank you for all that you are and for all that you do. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Monday, April 11, 2011
Oh, Boy, Where to Start...??
Well, the funny thing is...I didn't really plan to do this tonight, but, and I can honestly say that as I'm writing this, I don't know what triggered it, lol. Talk about a 'God thing'! But, back on track, I started to say, funny thing is...when I logged on (after a month, apparently? wow! Sorry, Guys) I saw that I am at EXACTLY the same place I was almost a month to the day ago. I am once again having trouble sleeping, and I'm really frustrated about it, and I've researched it online, and I have done almost everything suggested, and I JUST CAN'T SLEEP!! Ugghhh!!!
And I'm having some odd feelings about my business venture, too. I hit a snag, thought it was dead in the water, then everything came together and I was sure it was meant to be, but for some reason I'm hesitating. I do know for certain, though, that there is no rush, it will still be there when I know I'm sure. I thought God had given me the go-ahead, but I don't trust my hesitation.
Apparently, something is eating at me, because I took one little thought in my head and started to share it with my husband, and after a sentence or two, I found myself red in the face and yelling and all fired up! Not yelling AT him, but TO him, really, but still...Basically I was feeling sorry for myself, and judging others, and comparing the two in the form of, "well how is it that they get all this, but didn't earn it, and I DID earn stuff, but basically get nothing!" sort of thing. Never a good place to be.
Anyway, I am here now, and glad to be...And I'll try to stay regular again...ummm...that didn't sound right :-[ What I MEAN is, I'll try to post regularly on this blog...lol
"God, thank you for this day, and for all the people, places, and things that you have put in my life for reasons that only you know. Thank you, Lord, for taking so much burden off my shoulders, and for my faith in knowing that you will handle all things, and in knowing that, I can let go, and stop getting in your way. I love you and I praise you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
And I'm having some odd feelings about my business venture, too. I hit a snag, thought it was dead in the water, then everything came together and I was sure it was meant to be, but for some reason I'm hesitating. I do know for certain, though, that there is no rush, it will still be there when I know I'm sure. I thought God had given me the go-ahead, but I don't trust my hesitation.
Apparently, something is eating at me, because I took one little thought in my head and started to share it with my husband, and after a sentence or two, I found myself red in the face and yelling and all fired up! Not yelling AT him, but TO him, really, but still...Basically I was feeling sorry for myself, and judging others, and comparing the two in the form of, "well how is it that they get all this, but didn't earn it, and I DID earn stuff, but basically get nothing!" sort of thing. Never a good place to be.
Anyway, I am here now, and glad to be...And I'll try to stay regular again...ummm...that didn't sound right :-[ What I MEAN is, I'll try to post regularly on this blog...lol
"God, thank you for this day, and for all the people, places, and things that you have put in my life for reasons that only you know. Thank you, Lord, for taking so much burden off my shoulders, and for my faith in knowing that you will handle all things, and in knowing that, I can let go, and stop getting in your way. I love you and I praise you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Trouble Sleeping
Oh, I just hate when I can't sleep well. The last several nights, actually, I haven't slept well, but today I woke up at 6am (NOT normal for me!) and couldn't get back to sleep. Kind of a bummer, since I NEVER make it to bed before midnight. Maybe I will get back into the mode I was in back in August and September after my incident, when I ran on 3 or 4 hours of sleep and was happy as a lark and productive as a honey bee..that would be AWESOME! lol.
I don't know if this business deal has anything to do with my inability to sleep or not...it has been such an emotional roller coaster (this happens to me a lot?) for me. Last night I was doing some more research, and as much as I tried to uncover any negative information or scam alerts, I just couldn't. I'm going to contact an attorney and some other owners this week and continue doing Internet research, though, and just make sure I get all of my bases covered before I invest. I'm hoping and praying that God will give me guidance, and that His will will be done on this. I have faith that He will make it clear to me what I am to do about this whole thing in His time.
Also, I am praying for my cousin and his wife, as they are expecting their first baby to be born tomorrow. Please include them in your prayers, and pray that God will give them a beautiful, healthy baby girl, and that Mama will have a relatively easy time of it.
"Dear Lord, please guide me today, and reveal your plan for me today. Help me to put you above all else, and to live according to your will. Thank you, Lord, for all the people you have put in my life, and thank you for the love we share and the life we live. Lord, please watch over Troy, Linnea, and baby Raelynn, as well as all the rest of my family, friends, and loved ones; you know their needs today, and I ask that you keep them all healthy, happy, and safe. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I don't know if this business deal has anything to do with my inability to sleep or not...it has been such an emotional roller coaster (this happens to me a lot?) for me. Last night I was doing some more research, and as much as I tried to uncover any negative information or scam alerts, I just couldn't. I'm going to contact an attorney and some other owners this week and continue doing Internet research, though, and just make sure I get all of my bases covered before I invest. I'm hoping and praying that God will give me guidance, and that His will will be done on this. I have faith that He will make it clear to me what I am to do about this whole thing in His time.
Also, I am praying for my cousin and his wife, as they are expecting their first baby to be born tomorrow. Please include them in your prayers, and pray that God will give them a beautiful, healthy baby girl, and that Mama will have a relatively easy time of it.
"Dear Lord, please guide me today, and reveal your plan for me today. Help me to put you above all else, and to live according to your will. Thank you, Lord, for all the people you have put in my life, and thank you for the love we share and the life we live. Lord, please watch over Troy, Linnea, and baby Raelynn, as well as all the rest of my family, friends, and loved ones; you know their needs today, and I ask that you keep them all healthy, happy, and safe. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
God's Calling...
So...I thought I'd skip reading my Bible tonight, because it was late, and I've had a really rough day at work, and I was just wiped out. But, I found myself half asleep thinking about Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt, lol, and I couldn't get the thought out of my head. I knew God was calling when I felt I had no choice but to drag my butt out of bed to come down and spend some time with the Lord, post on here, and do some reading.
I received some more information about my business prospect today which renews my hope about the thing, so I just have to pray, pray, pray about it. I would appreciate any additonal prayers, too...please and thank you, as my daughter would say lol. I know I really hope it is what I want it to be, but I do know now that I will take it slow, and thoroughly research, and verify, and have an attorney look over it, and everything before I move ahead with anything. My first instinct was to jump in head first, but God helped me to put on the breaks so I could think sensibly and logically and make an informed decision.
"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for doing for me what I have been unable to do for myself. And thank your for knowing what's best for me, and for guiding me in the right direction. I know you have always been there for me, but I am so grateful that I am finally listening to you, acknowledging you, and following you. I thank you for the gift of your only Son, that he paid for my sins so that I don't have to..I am truely unworthy, and overcome with gratitude for your love and your grace. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I received some more information about my business prospect today which renews my hope about the thing, so I just have to pray, pray, pray about it. I would appreciate any additonal prayers, too...please and thank you, as my daughter would say lol. I know I really hope it is what I want it to be, but I do know now that I will take it slow, and thoroughly research, and verify, and have an attorney look over it, and everything before I move ahead with anything. My first instinct was to jump in head first, but God helped me to put on the breaks so I could think sensibly and logically and make an informed decision.
"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for doing for me what I have been unable to do for myself. And thank your for knowing what's best for me, and for guiding me in the right direction. I know you have always been there for me, but I am so grateful that I am finally listening to you, acknowledging you, and following you. I thank you for the gift of your only Son, that he paid for my sins so that I don't have to..I am truely unworthy, and overcome with gratitude for your love and your grace. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Disappointed
I was so excited about a prospective business venture, and after viewing a presentation, I was convinced that it was a good thing. But, as I began reading the business prospectus, I started to have doubts as to the validity and integrity of the venture. My research so far hasn't turned up anything negative, but I have do have some doubts. Perhaps that doubt will ensure I do my due diligence completely, to satisfy any doubts I may have, I don't know. But I do know that if I were to go ahead with the business, I think it would be the perfect fit for me; I do have a lot of research to do, though, and for the first time, I think, I won't jump in head first, without knowing all the facts. So, I will continue to pray about it, and I won't move ahead with anything unless I have no doubts whatsoever. I have faith that if I trust Him, God will lead me in the right direction.
I am also disappointed in my inability, so far, to be able to give up my TV. It sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud, but I guess I never realized just how much I enjoy watching it. I know my life is actually better without it, but I just have to keep praying for God to help me let it go. My favorite thing to do in the evening is to sit and watch one of my favorite shows while I eat ice cream. I look forward to it like I used to look forward to a drink (okay, well, maybe more than just one drink...) (or whatever) when I got home and knew I didn't have to go anywhere for the rest of the night. I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time letting it go...it's transference...man, if that's not a bummer...
"Lord, please help me to let go of the things in my life that don't glorify you. Help me, Lord, to have faith that you will provide me with greater feelings of satisfaction if I surrender to you and keep my focus on you and your will. Lord, please guide me in my research of this business venture, and let me know what I should do. Help me, Lord, to be patient, and not move forward until you have assured me that it is right, and help me to put aside what I WANT in order to do the right thing for our family. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I am also disappointed in my inability, so far, to be able to give up my TV. It sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud, but I guess I never realized just how much I enjoy watching it. I know my life is actually better without it, but I just have to keep praying for God to help me let it go. My favorite thing to do in the evening is to sit and watch one of my favorite shows while I eat ice cream. I look forward to it like I used to look forward to a drink (okay, well, maybe more than just one drink...) (or whatever) when I got home and knew I didn't have to go anywhere for the rest of the night. I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time letting it go...it's transference...man, if that's not a bummer...
"Lord, please help me to let go of the things in my life that don't glorify you. Help me, Lord, to have faith that you will provide me with greater feelings of satisfaction if I surrender to you and keep my focus on you and your will. Lord, please guide me in my research of this business venture, and let me know what I should do. Help me, Lord, to be patient, and not move forward until you have assured me that it is right, and help me to put aside what I WANT in order to do the right thing for our family. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I Just Love How He Works!
First, just let me say that I LOVE MY JOB! Most days, I leave my shift in a better mood than I started in. God knew what He was doing when He gave this job to me, for sure.
But anyway...I just had to throw that in, lol. While I was praying last night, I told God what I thought I needed to do about a certain situation, but I was promptly reminded that I need to do the RIGHT thing, even if that's not what I WANT to do, and that God will take care of the rest. Once again, I was reminded that it's not about ME...
I tried to dismiss that notion, but this morning, I was smacked in the face with it again, and after struggling with it all day and praying, I did what I knew what God wanted me to do, and it turned out to be a VERY good thing. And in doing so, God let me know what good came from following his plan. God knows what He is doing, and I can try to look the other way and ignore His wishes for me all I want, but He WILL win...EVERY time. Man! He's AWESOME!
"Dear Lord, thank you for giving me the strength to do the right thing, and thank you for taking myself out of me to do your will. Help me, Lord, to always remember that you are in control of all things, and help me to surrender to you every day. I am so thankful for your love and grace, Lord, and I thank you for loving us so much-even when we deny you-that you never give up on us. Lord, forgive me for my sins today; I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
But anyway...I just had to throw that in, lol. While I was praying last night, I told God what I thought I needed to do about a certain situation, but I was promptly reminded that I need to do the RIGHT thing, even if that's not what I WANT to do, and that God will take care of the rest. Once again, I was reminded that it's not about ME...
I tried to dismiss that notion, but this morning, I was smacked in the face with it again, and after struggling with it all day and praying, I did what I knew what God wanted me to do, and it turned out to be a VERY good thing. And in doing so, God let me know what good came from following his plan. God knows what He is doing, and I can try to look the other way and ignore His wishes for me all I want, but He WILL win...EVERY time. Man! He's AWESOME!
"Dear Lord, thank you for giving me the strength to do the right thing, and thank you for taking myself out of me to do your will. Help me, Lord, to always remember that you are in control of all things, and help me to surrender to you every day. I am so thankful for your love and grace, Lord, and I thank you for loving us so much-even when we deny you-that you never give up on us. Lord, forgive me for my sins today; I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Feeling Out of Sorts
Obviously every day isn't 'peachy', for any of us. And although I am learning to focus on the positive, and dismiss the negative, it doesn't mean I don't still feel weighted down sometimes. Today has been one such day. An issue from yesterday affected me more than I knew, apparently, because it followed me into my dreams, and greatly impacted my thoughts, actions, and motives today.
I am trying so hard not to pass judgement on others, and am trying to be a loving, kind person, but today, I have absolutely not been feeling it. I am angry and disappointed at myself for being weak in several areas today. I feel like I have let God down, but I am thankful that He is a kind and loving God, and that I will be forgiven if I ask sincerely for forgiveness.
I need to pray for guidance, strength, and wisdom, and perhaps there are certain people, places, and things that I should simply avoid. But I am torn about what His will is about one certain situation, and I don't know what to do; I really just don't. The best I can do is to pray for His will, because I honestly don't even know what else to pray for. I just have to hand it over, and perhaps I just need to let God handle it, and stay away, because I obvioiusly can NOT handle it. Please pray for me.
"Dear Lord, please forgive me for my thoughts and actions today that weren't pleasing to you. Heavenly Father, I desperately need your guidance and your strength, because, Lord, I obviously can't handle this situation myself, and when I try, it ends up disatrously to me. Lord, sometimes I wish I didn't feel so much, but I know that you made me this way, and that you had apurpose in that. So, Lord, I just thank you for your grace, and I have faith that everything happens according to your plan. Help me to remember that you are in control, Lord, and that it's your show, not mine. I love you and I praise you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I am trying so hard not to pass judgement on others, and am trying to be a loving, kind person, but today, I have absolutely not been feeling it. I am angry and disappointed at myself for being weak in several areas today. I feel like I have let God down, but I am thankful that He is a kind and loving God, and that I will be forgiven if I ask sincerely for forgiveness.
I need to pray for guidance, strength, and wisdom, and perhaps there are certain people, places, and things that I should simply avoid. But I am torn about what His will is about one certain situation, and I don't know what to do; I really just don't. The best I can do is to pray for His will, because I honestly don't even know what else to pray for. I just have to hand it over, and perhaps I just need to let God handle it, and stay away, because I obvioiusly can NOT handle it. Please pray for me.
"Dear Lord, please forgive me for my thoughts and actions today that weren't pleasing to you. Heavenly Father, I desperately need your guidance and your strength, because, Lord, I obviously can't handle this situation myself, and when I try, it ends up disatrously to me. Lord, sometimes I wish I didn't feel so much, but I know that you made me this way, and that you had apurpose in that. So, Lord, I just thank you for your grace, and I have faith that everything happens according to your plan. Help me to remember that you are in control, Lord, and that it's your show, not mine. I love you and I praise you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Praying for Guidance
It's not easy for me to tell other people about Jesus, and God's grace. My sister said that's what I'm doing with this blog, and that's true...that was the whole purpose of the blog. But that's different; telling people and writing are two different things to me. People that know me find it hard to believe that I'm not comfortable talking to people I don't know. I'm very self-conscious and unsure of myself, which doesn't always show to other people. Writing, however, provides me with an outlet, a way for me to fully express myself. I have always preferred to write rather than talk; I can write things that I could never say out loud.
So, it's very hard for me to witness to others, and share what God's grace has done in my life. But when I talk to people, especially people I love, and I hear them express anger at God and rebellion toward Him, how can I NOT speak? It breaks my heart that God is so loving and so giving, and yet some view Him as cruel and hateful. These are the people that need him more than anyone, and I don't know how to break through to them. The only thing I know to do is to pray, and pray some more, then pray some more.
"God, I ask for your guidance in spreading your word, and I ask you to please give me the words to say. Lord, please use me to do your will, and work through me; fill me with your love to overflowing so that it can spill out onto everyone who 'bumps my cup'. Help me, Lord, to plant a seed in the minds of unbelievers, that will grow over time, and mature into a good, God loving Christian. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
So, it's very hard for me to witness to others, and share what God's grace has done in my life. But when I talk to people, especially people I love, and I hear them express anger at God and rebellion toward Him, how can I NOT speak? It breaks my heart that God is so loving and so giving, and yet some view Him as cruel and hateful. These are the people that need him more than anyone, and I don't know how to break through to them. The only thing I know to do is to pray, and pray some more, then pray some more.
"God, I ask for your guidance in spreading your word, and I ask you to please give me the words to say. Lord, please use me to do your will, and work through me; fill me with your love to overflowing so that it can spill out onto everyone who 'bumps my cup'. Help me, Lord, to plant a seed in the minds of unbelievers, that will grow over time, and mature into a good, God loving Christian. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Monday, February 28, 2011
My Cup Runneth Over
I went to church this morning before work, because the evening service was cancelled due to special missions events. We have several missionaries visiting from various locations around the world this week, and 2 of them spoke during the service today. They were both very powerful.
I visualize the Holy Spirit as a river running through me, which makes the tears that never fail to escape my eyes actually make sense. In my mind, that is God filling me with so much of His love, that I just can't contain it all, so it escapes me in the form of tears. Might sound silly, but that's how I think of it. I cry like a baby at church, almost every single time I go, and I get choked up often when I pray or spread His word. Makes sense to me, lol.
I realized today, that throughout my entire life, I have been trying to fill a void within myself; I have used everything I could get my hands on to try to fill the void, most of them not good, bad, very bad, or unthinkable. The void was still there. No matter what I did, there was always an emptiness left in its wake. And every bad thing I did left a scar on my heart as well. by the time I got to where I am now, My heart was very heavy, despite its emptiness, and severely scarred.
I realized today, during the sermon, that that void has been filled. For the first time, I feel 100% complete. I don't want for anything, I am at peace. And, as it just hit me just as I'm typing this, I realize that I have finally forgiven myself. What a weight that has been lifted! I knew that God had forgiven me a long time ago, because I asked for forgiveness, but I hadn't been able to forgive myself. I finally have. Now, I feel that I can let go of the past, and leave it behind and move forward independently of the past. It will not hold me back any longer. Only the grace of God can do that.
I feel on top of the world today, and I could go on forever about what I am feeling right now, but this is a blog, not a book, lol. Speaking of books, it's time for me to get into the Good Book.
"Dear Heavenly Father, my cup runneth over with the abundance of your love and your grace. Thank you for all that you do, Lord, and for the work you continue to do within me. Lord, please let me live my life according to your will, and help me to put you above all else. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I visualize the Holy Spirit as a river running through me, which makes the tears that never fail to escape my eyes actually make sense. In my mind, that is God filling me with so much of His love, that I just can't contain it all, so it escapes me in the form of tears. Might sound silly, but that's how I think of it. I cry like a baby at church, almost every single time I go, and I get choked up often when I pray or spread His word. Makes sense to me, lol.
I realized today, that throughout my entire life, I have been trying to fill a void within myself; I have used everything I could get my hands on to try to fill the void, most of them not good, bad, very bad, or unthinkable. The void was still there. No matter what I did, there was always an emptiness left in its wake. And every bad thing I did left a scar on my heart as well. by the time I got to where I am now, My heart was very heavy, despite its emptiness, and severely scarred.
I realized today, during the sermon, that that void has been filled. For the first time, I feel 100% complete. I don't want for anything, I am at peace. And, as it just hit me just as I'm typing this, I realize that I have finally forgiven myself. What a weight that has been lifted! I knew that God had forgiven me a long time ago, because I asked for forgiveness, but I hadn't been able to forgive myself. I finally have. Now, I feel that I can let go of the past, and leave it behind and move forward independently of the past. It will not hold me back any longer. Only the grace of God can do that.
I feel on top of the world today, and I could go on forever about what I am feeling right now, but this is a blog, not a book, lol. Speaking of books, it's time for me to get into the Good Book.
"Dear Heavenly Father, my cup runneth over with the abundance of your love and your grace. Thank you for all that you do, Lord, and for the work you continue to do within me. Lord, please let me live my life according to your will, and help me to put you above all else. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Exciting Prospect
I have come across an interesting prospect, that could, very possibly be my dream come true. I'm not sharing details at this point, as I have to do a lot of research, but I would appreciate your prayers on this. If the opportunity is as it seems, it could change not just my life, but it could answer multiple prayers for our family.
"Lord, I know that if this is your will, you will provide us with what we need to make it happen. I have faith in you, Lord, and just ask for your will to be done in our lives. Thank you, Lord, for all that you have blessed me with. In Jesus' name, Amen."
"Lord, I know that if this is your will, you will provide us with what we need to make it happen. I have faith in you, Lord, and just ask for your will to be done in our lives. Thank you, Lord, for all that you have blessed me with. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Outside Influences
I used to give my sister a hard time because of her convictions about what she would and wouldn't do/watch/listen to. Now that I have turned my life over to God, I completely understand. I notice in a HUGE way exactly how outside influences affect my relationship with God. When I watch a lot of TV or movies that aren't spiritually centered, I find myself losing my focus on the Lord. In contrast, when I keep the TV off, and listen to Christian radio or music, and read my Bible and other spiritual material, I feel so close to Him, and I stay focused.
I never understood that until now, and have certainly never experienced or realized the impact of outside influences. This also holds true of people, places, and things that aren't centered around the Lord. I am so glad now that I know, and understand, and feel convicted to make changes in my life to reflect my dedication to the Lord.
I decided to give up TV for the month of February, because I realized how much it influences my life. I have come to realize that TV is actually an addiction for me...I didn't stick with it, so I am giving it up all together for March, at least, and see how it goes. It is definitely a life changing event to cut out the TV; I don't even know how to eat breakfast without it, lol. But I am resigned to find a way.
"Lord, help me to stay focused on you and your Word, and help me to avoid letting negative influences into my life. Help me, Lord, to always put you above all else, and help me to live my life according to your plan. Thank you, God, for all the amazing things you are doing in my life, and in the lives of those around me. I love you and praise you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I never understood that until now, and have certainly never experienced or realized the impact of outside influences. This also holds true of people, places, and things that aren't centered around the Lord. I am so glad now that I know, and understand, and feel convicted to make changes in my life to reflect my dedication to the Lord.
I decided to give up TV for the month of February, because I realized how much it influences my life. I have come to realize that TV is actually an addiction for me...I didn't stick with it, so I am giving it up all together for March, at least, and see how it goes. It is definitely a life changing event to cut out the TV; I don't even know how to eat breakfast without it, lol. But I am resigned to find a way.
"Lord, help me to stay focused on you and your Word, and help me to avoid letting negative influences into my life. Help me, Lord, to always put you above all else, and help me to live my life according to your plan. Thank you, God, for all the amazing things you are doing in my life, and in the lives of those around me. I love you and praise you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Sheila has gone home...
I just learned that Sheila Bossaer, has passed away. She had an extremely rapid progression with her illness, and I know it must be hard to have had everything happen so fast. But although she will be missed dearly, everyone who knew her knows she is with God now, and wanting us all to celebrate her life, and not be sad. Rest in peace, Sheila.
At Peace
I simply can't get over the changes God had done and is doing in my life. I catch myself thinking, "maybe I'm just fooling myself, and maybe it's not for real, and maybe I'm faking it..." I think it has to do with the fact that in most aspects of my life, I have been a freud, really. I seriously don't know how I made it through boot camp, or 4 years of active duty, because I certainly didn't earn it...I skated by, as I feel like I did in college, and everything else in my life. I have always felt like a freud, and maybe that's just a feeling I'm used to; I don't know.
But when I step back and look at the whole picture...the changes God is doing in me is unmistakeable. I AM worthy of His love, and He HAS given me His grace, and I CAN accept it...Those are totally new concepts for me. I look at how I react to certain situations or people, and God is the ONLY explanation. Only HE can take away the anger, and frustration, and intolerance that have lived within me for so long. I find myself praying for those that used to cause me to darn near explode with anger, and praying for Him to change my heart so that I can love others and not judge them.
For those who know me well, you know that the changes in me most certainly didn't come from within myself, lol. I am normally irritable and uptight, and tonight, I am simply feeling at peace. At peace with mylife, and not wanting for anything more. God had truly blessed me with a wonderful family, and our health, and our happiness. We have all the necessities, and much more. What more could I ask for? Not a darn thing!
"God, I am so grateful for the AMAZING work you are doing not only in my life, but in the lives of my loved ones as well. You are such a loving God; you love me for who I am, unconditionally, and without reservation. You will never leave me, and I can count on you for all my needs. Thank you, Lord, for all that you are, and all that you do. In Jesus' name, Amen."
But when I step back and look at the whole picture...the changes God is doing in me is unmistakeable. I AM worthy of His love, and He HAS given me His grace, and I CAN accept it...Those are totally new concepts for me. I look at how I react to certain situations or people, and God is the ONLY explanation. Only HE can take away the anger, and frustration, and intolerance that have lived within me for so long. I find myself praying for those that used to cause me to darn near explode with anger, and praying for Him to change my heart so that I can love others and not judge them.
For those who know me well, you know that the changes in me most certainly didn't come from within myself, lol. I am normally irritable and uptight, and tonight, I am simply feeling at peace. At peace with mylife, and not wanting for anything more. God had truly blessed me with a wonderful family, and our health, and our happiness. We have all the necessities, and much more. What more could I ask for? Not a darn thing!
"God, I am so grateful for the AMAZING work you are doing not only in my life, but in the lives of my loved ones as well. You are such a loving God; you love me for who I am, unconditionally, and without reservation. You will never leave me, and I can count on you for all my needs. Thank you, Lord, for all that you are, and all that you do. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Sunday, February 20, 2011
My Heart is Full
Sorry I haven't been on here for a few days. I've been out of town visiting my sister all week, and it kind of got put on the back burner. I do apologize, y'all.
It's been a very emotional week, with lots of stuff going on with family, and work, and LOTS and LOTS of 'God thangs'...
Spending time with my sister has left me in awe of the woman she has become, and I am amazed at the work God has done in her, and in her life. I can remember through the years, us taking turns supporting one another through good times and bad, taking turns playing the role of 'big sister' (even though I am 10 years older lol). I remember the time when I was trying desperately to convince her of God's existence...and ultimately, so many years later, it was God's work in her that brought me back to Him. He is SO AMAZING!!
I talked to someone near and dear to my heart today, and hearing about an incident in her life today that can't be anything but a 'God thang' just brought tears to my eyes. It never ceases to amaze me how big God is..there is NOTHING he can't do! How AWESOME is that?!! My heart is full tonight, just rewinding the week, and being thankful for all that He has given me, and for all that He is doing within me.
"Dear Lord, thank you for all the wonderful work you are doing not only in my life, but in the lives of my friends and family. Lord, I pray that you will guide my heart, and give me the words to say when I need them, and help me to love as you would, and help me to remember that judging is your job, and not mine. I am so glad I have you in my life, Lord, and I thank you for your love and your grace. In Jesus' name, Amen."
It's been a very emotional week, with lots of stuff going on with family, and work, and LOTS and LOTS of 'God thangs'...
Spending time with my sister has left me in awe of the woman she has become, and I am amazed at the work God has done in her, and in her life. I can remember through the years, us taking turns supporting one another through good times and bad, taking turns playing the role of 'big sister' (even though I am 10 years older lol). I remember the time when I was trying desperately to convince her of God's existence...and ultimately, so many years later, it was God's work in her that brought me back to Him. He is SO AMAZING!!
I talked to someone near and dear to my heart today, and hearing about an incident in her life today that can't be anything but a 'God thang' just brought tears to my eyes. It never ceases to amaze me how big God is..there is NOTHING he can't do! How AWESOME is that?!! My heart is full tonight, just rewinding the week, and being thankful for all that He has given me, and for all that He is doing within me.
"Dear Lord, thank you for all the wonderful work you are doing not only in my life, but in the lives of my friends and family. Lord, I pray that you will guide my heart, and give me the words to say when I need them, and help me to love as you would, and help me to remember that judging is your job, and not mine. I am so glad I have you in my life, Lord, and I thank you for your love and your grace. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
What a Day
This day (okay, so it was actually yesterday) was an emotional roller coaster. It didn't start off well, but then I was having a great day at work-until my next to last call, which really got my blood pumping. Then, when I got off work, I had another incident that got my blood boiling...but, unlike past times, I turned to God to help, because I knew I couldn't handle it by myself. Sure enough, He got me calmed down, and I had a nice drive (thanks everyone for talking me through a VERY long and boring drive), and I arrived at my sister's house (YAY!) safe and sound. We stayed up all night talking and just before I was ready to head to bed, I check my e-mails, and got one that was really nice...then came the icing on the proverbial cake. Now, I have to pray, pray, pray for guidance...because while my heart is hurt and disappointed, I don't know what action I should take. I have to go get into the Word, and do some serious praying. I'll start here:
"Dear Lord, please guide me through these difficult times, and comfort my heart and help me to act as you would have me to do. Help me to remember, Lord, that my duty is to do your will, and not mine, and help me to put aside my personal feelings and simply do your will. I have no idea how to do that, Lord, and I really need your help. Thank you for your unconditional love, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
"Dear Lord, please guide me through these difficult times, and comfort my heart and help me to act as you would have me to do. Help me to remember, Lord, that my duty is to do your will, and not mine, and help me to put aside my personal feelings and simply do your will. I have no idea how to do that, Lord, and I really need your help. Thank you for your unconditional love, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Prayer List
I have added a prayer list to the blog...any and all prayers are appreciated...God knows the needs of each person. If there is anyone you would like to add, post it here, or e-mail it to me, and I'll add it.
Thanks!
Thanks!
It's Not About Me
I hadn’t planned to post tonight, but as I was praying, I felt like I needed to. I keep talking about me; how I have changed, and the changes in me …all about me. I did immediately confirm that my children were both saved, but tonight as I was praying, it occurred to me that I hadn’t asked my husband. I talk to him a lot about thoughts and feelings I have, and I talk to him and share with him what I am reading in the Bible, but pretty much it’s a one-sided conversation. (This is nothing unusual…lol) And we used to attend church, and he does do his daily devotionals and looks up whatever verse it suggests. But I never asked him if he was saved.
This is when I realized that it’s not just about me…I am concerned for him and his salvation, and I HAVE to ask him, and do my part to make sure he is saved. In my mind, I visualize God’s heart breaking, wanting so desperately to save each and every one of his children, much like a mother trying to save all of her children from some natural disaster…reaching, grasping, trying to hang on…
But God gave his children free will, and we have to choose him…I’m so glad I did! I will do my best to allow God to work through me to do His will.
“God, thank you so much for your love and your grace. Thank you for opening my eyes and for helping me to understand your word, and I ask you, Lord, to guide me and use me, and show me how to best serve you and worship you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Friday, February 11, 2011
I'm not the 'me' I used to be
I realized today, that even though life isn't always 'grand', and things don't always go my way, that it's just ok. That's a far cry from the 'me' I used to be-just ask anyone who knows me! There was a point in my life that I was so miserable to be around that my own husband walked on eggshells around me. The thought of it now hurts me deeply, but unfortunalely, I can't change the past.
Thanks be to God, though, I am no longer that person. I can't explain the difference in how I feel...there simply are no words. Since I opened my heart to God and accepted Jesus into my life, I don't feel like I'm going to explode from being so angry about something at least once a day. No, life's not perfect, but to me, it's pretty darn close! Funny thing is, actually it hasn't been a great couple of days...got an estimate on my car-OUCH!, paid more than expected on the diagnostic, and the Jeep just broke down...but I'm still happy as a lark lol.
"Dear God, thank you so much for the impact you have made on my life. Thank you, Lord, for bringing me back to you, and surrendering completely to you. I have total trust and faith in you, Lord, that you will always provide for me. I ask for your guidance and your wisdom each and every day. I love you and I praise you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Thanks be to God, though, I am no longer that person. I can't explain the difference in how I feel...there simply are no words. Since I opened my heart to God and accepted Jesus into my life, I don't feel like I'm going to explode from being so angry about something at least once a day. No, life's not perfect, but to me, it's pretty darn close! Funny thing is, actually it hasn't been a great couple of days...got an estimate on my car-OUCH!, paid more than expected on the diagnostic, and the Jeep just broke down...but I'm still happy as a lark lol.
"Dear God, thank you so much for the impact you have made on my life. Thank you, Lord, for bringing me back to you, and surrendering completely to you. I have total trust and faith in you, Lord, that you will always provide for me. I ask for your guidance and your wisdom each and every day. I love you and I praise you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Thursday, February 10, 2011
All I Have to Do is Ask
Oh, it's been a crazy day for me. Nothing went as planned, and I let myself get frazzled, because I forget to just SLOW DOWN. I had planned to work, then color my hair, then go have my 'hair girl' put some highlights in it. Then I thought I'd go check out some computers I'd been looking at, then stop by Publix to .....THOUGHT INTERUPTUS! lol
Gee, I wonder why I get frazzled?? As I was saying how I had planned for my day to go, I realized HELLO! It was crazy to start with! Of course I can't think!
So, long story short, got sent home early, hair took too long, and didn't turn out so hot, took forever at the salon, got pedi, got computer...completely forgot to go get the flippin' groceries from Publix! (Dang it!!) And I've been going nuts all day, running around in circles, because besides what I was actually doing, my mind was working double time, trying to figure out how in the world I was gonna take my car to the shop, take Lynds to her doctor's appointment, pick my car up from the shop, arrange (somehow?) to get my car fixed by Monday before I go out of town, AND still work my shift tomorrow???
I really need to learn to slow down, take a deep breath and ask God to take over. WHY didn't I do that in the first place? Or better yet, first thing in the morning, give it to Him in the first place? I have no idea! But, little by little, I am learning what works, and what doesn't; what doesn't work is to try to control things myself. I have to, each and ever day, remind myself that I am NOT in control...God is. And all I have to do is ask, and He will gladly step in and take over, because that's what He has been waiting for.
How AWESOME is that??!! It's like He's just hanging around, watching, and knowing what to do and how to do it, but restraining Himself until He is asked for help. And my first thought is, "well why doesn't He just jump in and take over then?" I think the reason is that He is teaching me a lesson...He wants me to know that all I have to do is ask, and until I ask Him for help, life's gonna be a whole lot harder.
"Lord, thank you for your grace and all that you have blessed me with; I am in awe of you always. Lord, please help me to ask you to take control, and help me to hand over the reins to you. I know you can handle my life so much better than I could ever hope to. Lord, show me how to best worship you and praise you, and help me to do your will. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Gee, I wonder why I get frazzled?? As I was saying how I had planned for my day to go, I realized HELLO! It was crazy to start with! Of course I can't think!
So, long story short, got sent home early, hair took too long, and didn't turn out so hot, took forever at the salon, got pedi, got computer...completely forgot to go get the flippin' groceries from Publix! (Dang it!!) And I've been going nuts all day, running around in circles, because besides what I was actually doing, my mind was working double time, trying to figure out how in the world I was gonna take my car to the shop, take Lynds to her doctor's appointment, pick my car up from the shop, arrange (somehow?) to get my car fixed by Monday before I go out of town, AND still work my shift tomorrow???
I really need to learn to slow down, take a deep breath and ask God to take over. WHY didn't I do that in the first place? Or better yet, first thing in the morning, give it to Him in the first place? I have no idea! But, little by little, I am learning what works, and what doesn't; what doesn't work is to try to control things myself. I have to, each and ever day, remind myself that I am NOT in control...God is. And all I have to do is ask, and He will gladly step in and take over, because that's what He has been waiting for.
How AWESOME is that??!! It's like He's just hanging around, watching, and knowing what to do and how to do it, but restraining Himself until He is asked for help. And my first thought is, "well why doesn't He just jump in and take over then?" I think the reason is that He is teaching me a lesson...He wants me to know that all I have to do is ask, and until I ask Him for help, life's gonna be a whole lot harder.
"Lord, thank you for your grace and all that you have blessed me with; I am in awe of you always. Lord, please help me to ask you to take control, and help me to hand over the reins to you. I know you can handle my life so much better than I could ever hope to. Lord, show me how to best worship you and praise you, and help me to do your will. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
God day
Well, actually, I meant to title this "Good Day", but my typo came out "God day"; I thought I would leave it, at that, lol. I had a pretty good day at work, with some encouraging comments from my supervisor at work, and I am actually allowing myself to hope that this could become a permanent position. It's just funny how this job, which I applied for with really no hopes of it being a 'real' job. I was skeptical all the way up until I received my first paycheck-direct deposit, with taxes taken out. Now that I think about it, God gave me exactly what I needed, really, and when I needed it.
After having been out of work for 2 1/2 years, God knew that it would be better for me to start back to work slowly, getting back to having to be on a schedule of some sort, and having to be somewhere at a specific time, every time and on time, as well as getting used to just being an employee again. I can’t begin to explain how good it felt to receive my first paycheck, and to feel like I’m contributing to our household income, after applying to so many jobs, and trying so hard. Granted, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind, but it has been a very humbling experience, and I honestly believe that God put this job before me for a reason. Who knows, it could be a start to something much bigger in the long run.
As a side note, I just have to mention how God is allowing me to appreciate people in my life. I found myself today just watching my husband (of 25 years!) and smiling at what a wonderful husband he is, and how much I truly love him from the bottom of my heart. Talk about a gift from God-he is it!! I believe 100% in my heart that God gave him to me to save me from myself, and I am SO grateful! Thank you, God!
“God, thank you so much for always knowing what’s best for me; I know that you have a plan for me, and I know that your plan is so much greater than I could ever hope for. Lord, you are so loving and kind, and you know my heart better than I myself do, and you know how to guide me to do your will. I pray, Lord, that you will reveal your plan to me as I am ready to receive it, and lead me so that I may follow. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
After having been out of work for 2 1/2 years, God knew that it would be better for me to start back to work slowly, getting back to having to be on a schedule of some sort, and having to be somewhere at a specific time, every time and on time, as well as getting used to just being an employee again. I can’t begin to explain how good it felt to receive my first paycheck, and to feel like I’m contributing to our household income, after applying to so many jobs, and trying so hard. Granted, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind, but it has been a very humbling experience, and I honestly believe that God put this job before me for a reason. Who knows, it could be a start to something much bigger in the long run.
As a side note, I just have to mention how God is allowing me to appreciate people in my life. I found myself today just watching my husband (of 25 years!) and smiling at what a wonderful husband he is, and how much I truly love him from the bottom of my heart. Talk about a gift from God-he is it!! I believe 100% in my heart that God gave him to me to save me from myself, and I am SO grateful! Thank you, God!
“God, thank you so much for always knowing what’s best for me; I know that you have a plan for me, and I know that your plan is so much greater than I could ever hope for. Lord, you are so loving and kind, and you know my heart better than I myself do, and you know how to guide me to do your will. I pray, Lord, that you will reveal your plan to me as I am ready to receive it, and lead me so that I may follow. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Communion
If someone would have told me 2 months ago that I would look forward to going to church, I would have told them they were off their rocker. However, today during work, I found myself anticipating the end of my shift and getting ready for church. I actually couldn’t wait! Who would have EVER thought? Even when I did attend church regularly in Indiana, and I enjoyed the service and fellowship, I can’t say that I actually looked forward to it. And as for reading and studying my Bible, I actually enjoy that too, rather than think of it as a chore, as in times past.
During the service tonight, we had communion, which I have participated in on multiple occasions, but this time was different. (As a side note, I have to say that I really appreciated how the pastor explained what was going on and how they did it at this particular church-I have many times felt uncomfortable in not knowing how they did things in a particular church. It was very much appreciated and helpful to newcomers or visitors.) But for the first time, I was overcome with emotion, and fully understood the meaning of the communion. It was VERY powerful to grasp the full and true meaning of the practice, and for the first time, I felt like I was worthy to receive communion. I am so grateful for such a loving God.
“Dear God, I thank you for loving me so much that you have given your only son to give his life for my sins. Thank you for your forgiveness, and for lifting the burden of guilt that I have been weighted down with for so long; thank you for lifting me up, Lord. Lord, I surrender my will and my life to you and your will. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Friday, February 4, 2011
I'm never alone
For a lot of my life, I have felt very alone. Not necessarily 'lonely', just alone. For the first time in my life, I can actually feel His presence, and I can say without a doubt that I am never alone. God's presence in my life, 24/7, and knowing that He is watching me always, keeps me accountable. I only wish I would have truly become a Christian a long, LONG time ago; it would have saved me (and everyone else) a lot of heartache. I don't think I would have done a lot of things that I've done if I knew someone was watching me and judging me. But, I suppose it was God's plan for me to experience all that CRAP in order to get me to be who He wants me to be.
For the first time, I don’t feel like I have to try to be something I’m not, because if I do, God will call me out, lol. I’m feeling a lot more comfortable in my own skin these days, and I know I always have a friend in Jesus, and that He is always there with me. I will never be anywhere by myself ever again! How awesome is that?!
It is truly a miracle how different I feel, and how differently I think and react to things. He immediately hollers at me when I have a wrong thought or say things unbecoming of a woman of God. I am not, by any means, saying I’m perfect, or a “finished product”, I’m just saying that God is doing amazing things in my life, and I’m thankful.
“God, thank you so much for filling the void that I have so often felt in my life, and thank you for always being there for me. Lord, you are truly a loving and amazing God, and I am constantly in awe of all that you are and all that you do. Thank you for your love and your grace. In Jesus’ name, Amen”
For the first time, I don’t feel like I have to try to be something I’m not, because if I do, God will call me out, lol. I’m feeling a lot more comfortable in my own skin these days, and I know I always have a friend in Jesus, and that He is always there with me. I will never be anywhere by myself ever again! How awesome is that?!
It is truly a miracle how different I feel, and how differently I think and react to things. He immediately hollers at me when I have a wrong thought or say things unbecoming of a woman of God. I am not, by any means, saying I’m perfect, or a “finished product”, I’m just saying that God is doing amazing things in my life, and I’m thankful.
“God, thank you so much for filling the void that I have so often felt in my life, and thank you for always being there for me. Lord, you are truly a loving and amazing God, and I am constantly in awe of all that you are and all that you do. Thank you for your love and your grace. In Jesus’ name, Amen”
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Praying for His will, not mine
I never would have thought it would be so hard to let go, and give up control. However, since I have been known to be a bit of a control freak (that's putting it mildly!), it is EXTREMELY hard to accept and admit that I am not in control, God is.
I have decided to give up TV for the month of February, simply because it was having far too much influence on my life, and I was wasting too much time watching TV rather than doing things that need to be done. So, I sat most of the day clipping my coupons (I had made the mistake of getting a couple of weeks behind) with no TV on. I don't know which is worse: listening to my own thoughts, or the TV. I was thinking all day about the situation of someone very close to me who is about to move, and I was fighting all day not to be sad and/or angry. But of all the things that I was having feelings about, I realized that they were selfish reasons.
I was sad that we hadn't been able to really go to the beach together, and sad that I don't know when I will see her again, and sad that the next time I see her kids they will be so much bigger/older,etc...And I am trying not to be angry, and I have to really fight to completely let go. I keep giving it to God, but it's like I'm still hanging on to a thread, and I keep trying to pull it back. It's SOOOO hard!! I have to have faith that God will provide for her and her family, and that He is in control of not only my life, but of theirs, too, and His will will be done, not hers, and not mine. I know He has a plan for them, and I need to step aside and let go of my own personal feelings, and stop judging (THAT IS SOOO HARD TOO!!).
I know in my heart that God will take care of it, but is it wrong to pray that His will may include giving them a reason to stay? Just askin' :) . In order to do God's will, for me, I have to be here, and be supportive, and pray, pray, pray, and of course, love them all...yes, I said love them ALL. "God, show me the way!"
"Dear Lord, please help me to let go of my old thoughts and feelings, and to do your will. Lord, show me how to love and not judge, how to give up control and learn to follow your direction, and help me to know my true motives. Show me how to give words of encouragement, and help me to be genuine in my well wishes. Lord, I love you, and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I have decided to give up TV for the month of February, simply because it was having far too much influence on my life, and I was wasting too much time watching TV rather than doing things that need to be done. So, I sat most of the day clipping my coupons (I had made the mistake of getting a couple of weeks behind) with no TV on. I don't know which is worse: listening to my own thoughts, or the TV. I was thinking all day about the situation of someone very close to me who is about to move, and I was fighting all day not to be sad and/or angry. But of all the things that I was having feelings about, I realized that they were selfish reasons.
I was sad that we hadn't been able to really go to the beach together, and sad that I don't know when I will see her again, and sad that the next time I see her kids they will be so much bigger/older,etc...And I am trying not to be angry, and I have to really fight to completely let go. I keep giving it to God, but it's like I'm still hanging on to a thread, and I keep trying to pull it back. It's SOOOO hard!! I have to have faith that God will provide for her and her family, and that He is in control of not only my life, but of theirs, too, and His will will be done, not hers, and not mine. I know He has a plan for them, and I need to step aside and let go of my own personal feelings, and stop judging (THAT IS SOOO HARD TOO!!).
I know in my heart that God will take care of it, but is it wrong to pray that His will may include giving them a reason to stay? Just askin' :) . In order to do God's will, for me, I have to be here, and be supportive, and pray, pray, pray, and of course, love them all...yes, I said love them ALL. "God, show me the way!"
"Dear Lord, please help me to let go of my old thoughts and feelings, and to do your will. Lord, show me how to love and not judge, how to give up control and learn to follow your direction, and help me to know my true motives. Show me how to give words of encouragement, and help me to be genuine in my well wishes. Lord, I love you, and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
God's 'Love Taps'
I was really struggling with a family issue, as was mentioned in yesterday's post, and thought I had gotten the right answer. Until today, when I talked to someone near and dear to my heart, who knows the whole situation, and I began to question the origin of the answer I received...was it my will, or God's will?
The thing nagged me all day long, and I was even talking to God out loud, it was weighing so heavily on my heart. Finally, as I was driving home, the thought popped back into my head, and I felt the tears well up, and I finally surrendered. I did what I knew I had to do, and the weight was lifted, and I feel so much better! I am going to refer to these moments as God's 'love taps' from now on, because it's kind of like getting hit upside the head, and it brings tears to my eyes...all done in love from God.
He is truly amazing, and to think that I have changed so much since I asked Jesus to come into my heart...and all I had to do was ask! I would say that I wish I had made the decision and surrendered my will to God's 30 years ago, but then, my life wouldn't be what it is today, which is good, and I wouldn't have the people in it that I have...so no, I wouldn't change a thing. It has all happened in God's time, the way He intended, and I am so thankful!
"Lord, thank you so much for your wisdom and your mercy. Thank you for your guidance through difficult situations, and for the peace that comes from doing your will, not mine. You are such a loving God! In Jesus' name, Amen."
The thing nagged me all day long, and I was even talking to God out loud, it was weighing so heavily on my heart. Finally, as I was driving home, the thought popped back into my head, and I felt the tears well up, and I finally surrendered. I did what I knew I had to do, and the weight was lifted, and I feel so much better! I am going to refer to these moments as God's 'love taps' from now on, because it's kind of like getting hit upside the head, and it brings tears to my eyes...all done in love from God.
He is truly amazing, and to think that I have changed so much since I asked Jesus to come into my heart...and all I had to do was ask! I would say that I wish I had made the decision and surrendered my will to God's 30 years ago, but then, my life wouldn't be what it is today, which is good, and I wouldn't have the people in it that I have...so no, I wouldn't change a thing. It has all happened in God's time, the way He intended, and I am so thankful!
"Lord, thank you so much for your wisdom and your mercy. Thank you for your guidance through difficult situations, and for the peace that comes from doing your will, not mine. You are such a loving God! In Jesus' name, Amen."
Monday, January 31, 2011
"Let Go, and Let God"...Easier said than done...
Although my perspective has changed so much this past month, I am still me, and I still struggle with certain situations. I am seriously praying for guidance (as I write this, I think I just got my answer) on how to handle a situation, or should I simply not handle it at all. I am really trying to follow what God would want me to do in every aspect of my life, and this particular situation is particularly difficult for me.
I have decided to let God handle the situation, because there's really nothing I can do, or any human can do, for that matter. Some find me to be insensitive and cold hearted and unforgiving when it comes to this situation, but that is so not the case. I do care, and I do pray, every day for God to take hold of the situation, and I have faith that His will will be done. But that's all I can do.
Honestly, I really need to do some praying about the feelings I am having after a conversation with a family member I just had. I am feeling very angry and hurt, even though I know that was not the intention. All of a sudden, a lot of old feelings are arising, and I don't like it one bit. It is really hard sometimes to set my own feelings aside, and think, "What would Jesus do?" Did Jesus' feelings get hurt, do you think?
I know God will comfort me, and I'll get over it, but MAN! It really gets old shedding tears over the same things, over and over and over and over...etc., etc.....
"God, I ask you to please give me guidance, and help me to set aside my own thoughts and feelings, and to do your will. God, please take control of this situation as I surrender it to you, and please, Lord, watch over those involved, and guide them, help them to make good choices, and please, PLEASE, Lord, keep them safe. I love you and I praise you, Lord, Amen."
I have decided to let God handle the situation, because there's really nothing I can do, or any human can do, for that matter. Some find me to be insensitive and cold hearted and unforgiving when it comes to this situation, but that is so not the case. I do care, and I do pray, every day for God to take hold of the situation, and I have faith that His will will be done. But that's all I can do.
Honestly, I really need to do some praying about the feelings I am having after a conversation with a family member I just had. I am feeling very angry and hurt, even though I know that was not the intention. All of a sudden, a lot of old feelings are arising, and I don't like it one bit. It is really hard sometimes to set my own feelings aside, and think, "What would Jesus do?" Did Jesus' feelings get hurt, do you think?
I know God will comfort me, and I'll get over it, but MAN! It really gets old shedding tears over the same things, over and over and over and over...etc., etc.....
"God, I ask you to please give me guidance, and help me to set aside my own thoughts and feelings, and to do your will. God, please take control of this situation as I surrender it to you, and please, Lord, watch over those involved, and guide them, help them to make good choices, and please, PLEASE, Lord, keep them safe. I love you and I praise you, Lord, Amen."
Saturday, January 29, 2011
God's Gifts
God blesses us with so many gifts; the gifts right in front of us often go unnoticed and/or taken for granted. I had to good fortune to spend the weekend with a dear friend from back home. Besides doing a year's worth of catching up in two days, we spent most of the weekend walking on the beach hunting for sharks' teeth. But besides the pure joy I get from finding them, as well as other cool shells and fossils, I took the time to appreciate the beauty of the ocean, and the miracle of all that God has put on this earth. I am amazed at the intricate design of the shells, and the beauty of the flowers, and how carefully He created each living thing. And the gift God gave mankind in having the ability to appreciate the beauty of nature-sights, sounds, and smells. I could sit on the beach for the rest of my days, just hunting for sharks' teeth, watching the sunset and sunrise, watching the dolphins playing, observing the habits of various kinds of birds, and being mesmerized by the sound of the waves. I don't think I would ever get tired of just sitting there, marvelling at it all.
Not only has God blessed us with the gift of nature, but He has also blessed us with the people He has put in our lives. I am so grateful that God has given me some of the best friends a person could ask for-people who know me, understand me, and love me anyway. He is such a loving God, He is an awesome God!
"Dear Lord, thank you for the gifts that you give to us, your children, and for loving us so much that you have given us the ability to love, and appreciate, and enjoy all that you have put on earth. And thank you, Lord, for the people you place in our lives; people we can laugh with, and cry with, and simply enjoy the gift of life together. I love you and I praise you, Lord, and I am in awe of all that you are, and all that you do. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Not only has God blessed us with the gift of nature, but He has also blessed us with the people He has put in our lives. I am so grateful that God has given me some of the best friends a person could ask for-people who know me, understand me, and love me anyway. He is such a loving God, He is an awesome God!
"Dear Lord, thank you for the gifts that you give to us, your children, and for loving us so much that you have given us the ability to love, and appreciate, and enjoy all that you have put on earth. And thank you, Lord, for the people you place in our lives; people we can laugh with, and cry with, and simply enjoy the gift of life together. I love you and I praise you, Lord, and I am in awe of all that you are, and all that you do. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Good News!
Some of you know that my dad has had some pretty serious health issues lately, the most recent being a quadruple bypass surgery a few months ago. He has recovered remarkably, by the grace of God. He met with a specialist today, expecting to have to schedule another major surgery, but his condition was better than expected, and they don't want to see him again for 6 months! What great news!
My relationship with my dad has been pretty rocky over the years, but today, our relationship is better than it has been for as long as I can remember. He has been so blessed in the gift of my step-mom; she has brought out a side of him that I have never seen before. I only wish he wouldn't met her sooner! God definitely knew what he was doing when he put them together.
"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for always knowing what we need, when we need it, and for providing for us as you see fit. Thank you for loving us so much that you see the good in us, when we can't see it in ourselves, and thank you, Lord, for forgiving us for our sins. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
My relationship with my dad has been pretty rocky over the years, but today, our relationship is better than it has been for as long as I can remember. He has been so blessed in the gift of my step-mom; she has brought out a side of him that I have never seen before. I only wish he wouldn't met her sooner! God definitely knew what he was doing when he put them together.
"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for always knowing what we need, when we need it, and for providing for us as you see fit. Thank you for loving us so much that you see the good in us, when we can't see it in ourselves, and thank you, Lord, for forgiving us for our sins. Lord, I love you and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I'm so Grateful!
I am just feeling so grateful for EVERYTHING! God is so good, and he has blessed me more than I ever thought I deserved.
I am so blessed to have the gift of my husband, and the awesome children we have. I think a lot more about the 'haves' than the 'have nots' lately. I haven't been feeling sorry for myself in not being able to find a job, or dwelling on all the things that used to really get me down. Those things just don't seem to bother me now; I am just feeling so grateful to have a husband and children who love me. I may get frustrated with my (extended) family, but only briefly, because I realize that I am blessed by having family at all, and they are healthy, and we all love each other.
Also, I am grateful for the experiences, both good and bad, that I have had in my life, because without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. It is hard, though, because right now, I am watching my son endure his first heartbreak, which dredges up horrible feelings of guilt for me, because it's like watching him feel the same pain that I have inflicted on his dad in the past. I know the Lord has forgiven me, but I still have a hard time letting go of my guilt. I am just praying for God to take ahold of my son's heart and comfort him.
"Lord, thank you for all of my blessings. Please Lord, watch over my friends and family, and especially Adam, and keep them all healthy, happy, and safe. Lord, I pray for you to lead me and guide me, and that you will work through me to do your will. I love you, and I praise you. Amen."
I am so blessed to have the gift of my husband, and the awesome children we have. I think a lot more about the 'haves' than the 'have nots' lately. I haven't been feeling sorry for myself in not being able to find a job, or dwelling on all the things that used to really get me down. Those things just don't seem to bother me now; I am just feeling so grateful to have a husband and children who love me. I may get frustrated with my (extended) family, but only briefly, because I realize that I am blessed by having family at all, and they are healthy, and we all love each other.
Also, I am grateful for the experiences, both good and bad, that I have had in my life, because without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. It is hard, though, because right now, I am watching my son endure his first heartbreak, which dredges up horrible feelings of guilt for me, because it's like watching him feel the same pain that I have inflicted on his dad in the past. I know the Lord has forgiven me, but I still have a hard time letting go of my guilt. I am just praying for God to take ahold of my son's heart and comfort him.
"Lord, thank you for all of my blessings. Please Lord, watch over my friends and family, and especially Adam, and keep them all healthy, happy, and safe. Lord, I pray for you to lead me and guide me, and that you will work through me to do your will. I love you, and I praise you. Amen."
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
My Greatest Gifts
Ever since I re-dedicated my life to God, I have found that my senses are heightened like nothing I've ever experienced. I am so emotional...I cry at the drop of a hat lol. (Okay, so I have always been a little sappy, but this is sappy on Miracle Grow lol) I am kind of feeling like I did when I got sober, when I was finally able to feel, only this is way better. I was already feeling, but now I have a much greater awareness of the importance of EVERYTHING.
I have been thinking about my kids a lot lately. It's like their entire lives are on autoplay in my head whenever I think of them. When my son walks in and says, "Hey, Momma..", I don't just see a tall, lanky 17 year old young man, I see the toe-headed 4 year old who was afraid of waves, and the baseball/basketball/football/tennis player throughout the years, and hearing the "whoosh, whoosh, whoosh" of a two year old wearing Tigger footie jammies coming down the hall. And when I'm talking to my 21 year old daughter about her moving into her and her boyfriends' new home, I envision the buck-toothed 6 year old with an arm full of kittens, and the softball player throughout the years, and the drum major leading the band. It's like every memory I have of the two of them comes rushing at me everything I talk to them or think of them.
I have just been spending a lot of time thanking God for the gift of my children that He has given to me. I realized a few years back that in them, God has given me what I had been searching for my entire life: someone to love me unconditionally for the rest of my life. I looked in all the wrong places, (thought just popped into my head) and ultimately, what I had been searching for was within myself all along. WOW! That's AMAZING!! I totally just got that! lol....sooo...okay! Exciting stuff! (For anyone reading that does NOT know me...yes, yes I am a dork! lol)
I am so blessed to have been given the kids that I have, that they are good kids, and most amazing to me, is that they still like me. That totally just blows my mind. It never ceases to amaze me to pick out mine or my husband's traits in them...it's just such a miracle. Aghhhh!!! Here come the waterworks! lol. I just love them more than I thought it was possible to love, and I thank God for that wonderful gift!
"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for all that you have blessed me with. I especially thank you for blessing me with such a wonderful husband, and two great children. Please, Lord, watch over them and keep them healthy, happy, and safe. Amen."
I have been thinking about my kids a lot lately. It's like their entire lives are on autoplay in my head whenever I think of them. When my son walks in and says, "Hey, Momma..", I don't just see a tall, lanky 17 year old young man, I see the toe-headed 4 year old who was afraid of waves, and the baseball/basketball/football/tennis player throughout the years, and hearing the "whoosh, whoosh, whoosh" of a two year old wearing Tigger footie jammies coming down the hall. And when I'm talking to my 21 year old daughter about her moving into her and her boyfriends' new home, I envision the buck-toothed 6 year old with an arm full of kittens, and the softball player throughout the years, and the drum major leading the band. It's like every memory I have of the two of them comes rushing at me everything I talk to them or think of them.
I have just been spending a lot of time thanking God for the gift of my children that He has given to me. I realized a few years back that in them, God has given me what I had been searching for my entire life: someone to love me unconditionally for the rest of my life. I looked in all the wrong places, (thought just popped into my head) and ultimately, what I had been searching for was within myself all along. WOW! That's AMAZING!! I totally just got that! lol....sooo...okay! Exciting stuff! (For anyone reading that does NOT know me...yes, yes I am a dork! lol)
I am so blessed to have been given the kids that I have, that they are good kids, and most amazing to me, is that they still like me. That totally just blows my mind. It never ceases to amaze me to pick out mine or my husband's traits in them...it's just such a miracle. Aghhhh!!! Here come the waterworks! lol. I just love them more than I thought it was possible to love, and I thank God for that wonderful gift!
"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for all that you have blessed me with. I especially thank you for blessing me with such a wonderful husband, and two great children. Please, Lord, watch over them and keep them healthy, happy, and safe. Amen."
Monday, January 24, 2011
I GOT SAVED!!
I sent a text message to my sister this evening after church, which said, simply, "I just thought I'd let you know I got saved tonight. :) " She called me back, and in total confusion, said, "WHAT??!"
You see, she and I have gotten really close this month, since I recommitted my life to God. It's really nice to have someone who is such a devout follower of Christ to lead me, and help me to understand; we have had LOTS of spiritual conversations over the last 3 weeks. What we never really discussed, though, is whether or not I was saved...she just assumed that I had been.
And she was partially right. Over the pasts 30+ years, I have attended church on and off, and at a variety of denominations: Christian, Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, Free Methodist, Catholic, Pentacostal, and non-denominational. At most, if not all of these churches, I have gotten to the point when they ask if you want to give your life to God, I have pretty much said, "OK! Sure! Where do I sign up?" But I never REALLY knew what the full meaning was, and I never, until tonight, understood why Jesus had to give his life so that I could be saved.
Although I have felt led to come forward every time I go to church, I didn't want to make the same mistake as in the past. Because I didn't fully know the meaning of "getting saved", I wasn't really sure that I was, so I wanted to wait until I was ready to go "all in" before I jumped. I didn't want to accept Jesus as my saviour until I knew all about everything, and I haven't gotten that far yet, was the way I was looking at it lol. But tonight, when Pastor said, "If there is anyone who wants to give their life to God, and to understand what it means to be saved," that was my cue! I couldn't have stayed in my seat if I had wanted to! The Holy Spirit grabbed ahold of me, and I felt him run through me, and I just knew it was time.
I felt led, during the service tonight, to start this blog; I sincerely hope that I can live up to what He has called me to do.
"Lord, please speak to me, and guide me, so that I may glorify you in all that I do. In the name of your son, Jesus Christ, Amen."
You see, she and I have gotten really close this month, since I recommitted my life to God. It's really nice to have someone who is such a devout follower of Christ to lead me, and help me to understand; we have had LOTS of spiritual conversations over the last 3 weeks. What we never really discussed, though, is whether or not I was saved...she just assumed that I had been.
And she was partially right. Over the pasts 30+ years, I have attended church on and off, and at a variety of denominations: Christian, Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, Free Methodist, Catholic, Pentacostal, and non-denominational. At most, if not all of these churches, I have gotten to the point when they ask if you want to give your life to God, I have pretty much said, "OK! Sure! Where do I sign up?" But I never REALLY knew what the full meaning was, and I never, until tonight, understood why Jesus had to give his life so that I could be saved.
Although I have felt led to come forward every time I go to church, I didn't want to make the same mistake as in the past. Because I didn't fully know the meaning of "getting saved", I wasn't really sure that I was, so I wanted to wait until I was ready to go "all in" before I jumped. I didn't want to accept Jesus as my saviour until I knew all about everything, and I haven't gotten that far yet, was the way I was looking at it lol. But tonight, when Pastor said, "If there is anyone who wants to give their life to God, and to understand what it means to be saved," that was my cue! I couldn't have stayed in my seat if I had wanted to! The Holy Spirit grabbed ahold of me, and I felt him run through me, and I just knew it was time.
I felt led, during the service tonight, to start this blog; I sincerely hope that I can live up to what He has called me to do.
"Lord, please speak to me, and guide me, so that I may glorify you in all that I do. In the name of your son, Jesus Christ, Amen."
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