Today a friend asked for advice on letting go of envy and wishing for things that she thought were never going to happen. My response was to pray for God's will, not her own; her question got me to thinking about my own life, though, and it's easier said than done.
For me, being exposed to the luxuries of life that other people have has always made me feel inadequate-LESS than. I tell myself that I wouldn't want all that extravagance, that it's just not me, even if I had the money, but in reality, yes, I do find myself being envious, and sometimes angry for the direction my life has gone. I don't know why, but I always feel like I'm not as good as everyone else in social (family) situations, because our income is SOOOO much less than everyone else's-when it seems to be such a big deal to those people. I always find myself comparing myself to everyone else in the room, and in the family, and always feeling like I come up short somehow.
Envy is truly a cancer, for me, that can infect every part of my being-if I let it. I really have to pray for God's will for me, and I have faith that if He wanted me to have all that 'stuff', then I would have it. But, I have what I have, and I am grateful-even if sometimes I have to remind myself. I remind myself that what I have is worth more than all the things money can buy: a husband who loves me, and provides for us, who comes home to me every night, and who's face lights up when he walks in the door-after 25 years of marriage. That in and of itself is priceless, but on top of that I have two great kids who still LIKE me, and are close to me, and who have good morals and values, are polite and respectful and helpful to others. And most of all, I have my faith, which lifts me up and sustains me through every thought and emotion.
Although I can get caught up momentarily in wanting what other people have, I wouldn't trade my family for all the material things in the world...it's just not worth it.
"Dear Lord, thank you so much for opening my eyes to what's really important in life, and I thank you and I am eternally grateful for the gifts of my family and the love we share and the life we live that you have blessed me with. Lord, I pray that you will bless all your children with the love that I have in my life, for without love, what do we have? Thank you, Lord, for your grace, and your unconditional love. In Jesus' name, Amen."