I never would have thought it would be so hard to let go, and give up control. However, since I have been known to be a bit of a control freak (that's putting it mildly!), it is EXTREMELY hard to accept and admit that I am not in control, God is.
I have decided to give up TV for the month of February, simply because it was having far too much influence on my life, and I was wasting too much time watching TV rather than doing things that need to be done. So, I sat most of the day clipping my coupons (I had made the mistake of getting a couple of weeks behind) with no TV on. I don't know which is worse: listening to my own thoughts, or the TV. I was thinking all day about the situation of someone very close to me who is about to move, and I was fighting all day not to be sad and/or angry. But of all the things that I was having feelings about, I realized that they were selfish reasons.
I was sad that we hadn't been able to really go to the beach together, and sad that I don't know when I will see her again, and sad that the next time I see her kids they will be so much bigger/older,etc...And I am trying not to be angry, and I have to really fight to completely let go. I keep giving it to God, but it's like I'm still hanging on to a thread, and I keep trying to pull it back. It's SOOOO hard!! I have to have faith that God will provide for her and her family, and that He is in control of not only my life, but of theirs, too, and His will will be done, not hers, and not mine. I know He has a plan for them, and I need to step aside and let go of my own personal feelings, and stop judging (THAT IS SOOO HARD TOO!!).
I know in my heart that God will take care of it, but is it wrong to pray that His will may include giving them a reason to stay? Just askin' :) . In order to do God's will, for me, I have to be here, and be supportive, and pray, pray, pray, and of course, love them all...yes, I said love them ALL. "God, show me the way!"
"Dear Lord, please help me to let go of my old thoughts and feelings, and to do your will. Lord, show me how to love and not judge, how to give up control and learn to follow your direction, and help me to know my true motives. Show me how to give words of encouragement, and help me to be genuine in my well wishes. Lord, I love you, and I praise you. In Jesus' name, Amen."